Page 89 of Safe and Sound

A very unladylike snort erupted from my lips at his summation. “That’s so true.”

“If you do have the baby, are you going to tell Dare?”

“Absolutely not.”

“You’re really going to deny your child a father?”

“I don’t want my child raised in that world.” At Nick’s conflicted expression, I countered, “Don’t you think if I had a son, he would be raised to be a killer?”

“Probably.”

I shook my head. “I refuse to allow my child to be a part of that.”

“You’re speaking pretty protectively about a baby you’re not sure you’re keeping,” Nick stated softly.

Was he right? Were my maternal instincts kicking in out of an effort to protect my unborn child? In the end, life was all about change. I was already forging a new one as a divorced woman. I could do the same as a single mother.

“I’m thirty years old. Isn’t it kind of now or never to have a baby?”

“Once again, I’ll remind you that your mother was forty-five.”

“She’d also already birthed three kids.”

“You don’t have to make a decision today. Take your time,” Nick said diplomatically.

“You don’t think I should have this baby, do you?”

He held up his hands defensively. “I never said that.”

“You said to take my time. You want me to keep thinking,” I challenged.

“Because you’re making a life-altering decision. One that will affect you physically, emotionally, and financially.”

“Right. I am,” I murmured defeatedly. Nick was right. There was no way I could possibly make my decision today.

Leaning across the table, he placed a hand on my cheek. “Whatever decision you make, I’m here for you.”

I smiled as tears once again pricked my eyes. “I couldn’t make it without you.”

Motioning to the menu, he said, “Come on. You need to eat.”

Although I didn’t think I could, I knew I had to. Until I made my decision, I had a baby to think of.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Dare

After dragging myself home from the casino, I collapsed into bed. For the fifth week in a row, I found myself in my new nightly routine of tossing and turning despite my mental and physical exhaustion. As I turned my head on the pillow, the ache in my chest grew deeper at the smell of Ava’s perfume.

Like a true masochist, I’d first refused to let the housekeeper change the sheets. After two weeks, I finally let her take them off. But I kept the pillow she slept on. Somehow after all this time, it still smelled like her.

After a frustrating hour of sleep eluding me, I finally got out of bed. Instead of hitting the gym like I usually did, I felt too fucking exhausted for the treadmill or lifting weights. Desperatefor a change of scenery, I slipped a gun into my pocket before escaping out the backdoor so as not to alert my bodyguard. I then headed out into the night.

With a determined step, I made the five minute walk over to my old place. I’d lived there from the time I was fourteen when we came over from Belfast until right before Julianna was born. Quinn and I both had moved out to give Callum’s growing family space. Not only did they add Julianna to the household, but Mam took up a room while Eamon bunked in with Kellan. .

Before I got to the gate, I texted the bodyguard to let him know I was coming. After letting myself in the backdoor, I punched in the alarm code. Reaching in my pocket, I took my gun out and deposited it on the kitchen table.

As I started up the stairs, I couldn’t help shaking my head at what I was doing. If you would’ve told me a month ago I would be longing for the familiar because I was losing sleep over a woman, I would’ve called you a fucking geebag.

But here I was.

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