Page 88 of Safe and Sound

“I know.” Grabbing the napkin, I dabbed my eyes. In a trembling voice, I questioned, “Jesus, Nick, what am I going to do?”

He reached across the booth to grab my hand. “First of all, you’re going to take some deep breaths and regulate your system. You look like you might pass out at any moment.”

Nodding, I drew in a couple of soothing breaths. “Now what?”

“You’re going to decide whatyouwant to do. Not what Yaya and Pappouli would want or for society. Just you.”

“You mean keep it or have an abortion?”

“Exactly.”

For a moment, I could only focus on my life now without a baby. Despite my divorce and breakup with Dare, I liked it the way that it was. I couldn’t imagine how a baby would fit into my world.

As for having an abortion, I’d always been someone who believed in a woman’s right to choose despite that it went against my faith in the Greek Orthodox Church. But could I really do it when it came down to it?

“I never really wanted kids,” I said truthfully.

Nick nodded. “I know that. And you don’t have to have this one.”

“Can you see me as a mother?”

“Not exactly.”

“See? I have no business being a mom.”

“That’s not what I said,” Nick argued.

Furrowing my brows at him, I argued, “You agreed with me.”

“I agreed that it was hard to see you as a mom. But seriously, Ava, you’re an amazing person who gives love so freely. You’ve always been like a mother hen to all your nieces and nephews. Any kid would be lucky to have you as a mom.”

Tears welled in my eyes at both his words and his tone. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

“You’re welcome.”

After swiping my eyes, I sighed. “There’s something to consider besides my ability to be a mom. With Dare as its father, what kind of child would I be bringing into the world?”

“He isn’t a monster, Ava,” Nick argued.

“How can you say that?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“But he–”

Nick shook his head. “Yeah, he does bad things, but when it comes down to it, he’s not a bad person.”

“We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one.”

“Besides the whole being in the mafia thing, he loves his family fiercely and does everything he can to protect them. He gives a shit ton of his millions to charity. Those aren’t terrible traits for your child to inherit.”

“How do you know he gives to charity?”

Nick gave me a sheepish grin. “That time I googled him when you two first met.

I rubbed my temples. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”

With a sad smile, Nick replied, “Because life’s a bitch.”

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