Page 36 of Bound By Valor

“Leora, I–”

“It’s too late, you know.” I said blankly, “I’m already that helpless woman. I care about you enough already that I had a panic attack in my room afterward.”

“Baby, it happens.”

“‘Baby’. Seriously?” I challenged, arching aneyebrow at him as he advanced, backing me against his door.

“Do you hate it?” he countered, his presence overwhelming as he closed in, trapping me with nowhere to go.

I scoffed, turning my head to avoid his intense gaze. “Really? After two years, I let my guard down for someone who doesn’t even know what he wants.”

Zarek lowered his head, his defeat palpable in the slumped set of his shoulders.

When he didn’t respond, I continued. “Youare the one who saidwhennotif.Youare the one who fucked me right outside this room.You, Zarek.”

He didn’t even try to defend himself, just sighed. Running a hand through his hair, a tortured look crossed his face.

“I get it, I frustrate you,” he murmured. “But youknowwhy I hesitate. You know what I’m terrified of.”

He met my glare then. “Leora, I—”

“Don’t ‘Leora’ me when you’re busy pushing me away one minute and pulling me close the next,” I interrupted, my voice sharp.

Zarek exhaled heavily, his frustration mirroring mine. “I’m trying to protect you. Don’t you understand that? I’m trying to not get you killed.”

I snapped, tired of the same old excuses. “Stop deciding what I can or cannot handle. Maybe I want to be a part of this squad—maybe I want you, despite the risks.”

He stared at me, conflict written all over his face, caught between desire and his sense of duty. His hand reached to cup my face but I swatted it away.

His face crumpled as he spoke. “God, you keep pulling me in, and ” He paused, catching his breath. “But the thought of anything happening to you… I can’t handle that, Leora.Please, you can’t possibly want this. You can’t possibly wantme.”

His voice started softly, almost a plea, but by the end, his words were a crushing blow.

I can’t want this? I can’t want him?

He seemed to think that joining the squad and being with him are the same thing. Perhaps, they were. They resulted in the same terrifying outcome in his head. That thought kept bouncing around in my head, leaving a dull ache behind.

“When will you realize that I’m already in this too deep? There’s no stepping back now. This… all of this will follow me for the rest of my life, Zarek.” I whispered back.

He just stared at me, silent, his eyes a tumult of emotions I couldn’t decipher. So I pressed on, my voice rising.

“You’re very…” I gave him an irritated shrug, “Hot and cold. Unsure. What the fuck doyouwant?”

“Fuck, Leora. I don’t know!” He bellowed, “You drive me crazy all the time. When you didn’t move and kept crying in front of me, I lost my mind,” his hand caressed my throat, “When I saw those marks on your neck, my knees gave out. And when I saw…” his thumb traced my jaw and his eyes darkened, “when I saw Casteel’s partner almost rape you, I shot his dick off.”

I pushed him back. My eyes widened at his admission.

I was almost what?

“Wha–”

“Tell me, Leora,” his voice was gentle yet strained. “What do you think I want, because to me it’s clearthat I wantyou. But I can’t just have you, can I? Because I’ve told you this a million times. If I really have you, I put you in danger and misery for the rest of your life.”

“Letmedecide that.”

“I can’t,” his head dropped to my shoulder, “I fucking can’t, baby. You’ll lose me. Or worse, I’ll lose you. I can’t let that happen. You can’t be another picture in my wallet.”

“Letmedecide who I choose to lose. Letmedecide where I belong,” I whispered, my hand resting hesitantly on his back.

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