Page 32 of Hold my Reins

Yesterday, as Rox walked through the kitchen yesterday when leaving, Thursten had raised his oversized mug of coffee and said much the same thing.

He wasn’tthatnoisy.

“Hey.” He wanted to die. “I thought Lynck was going to be here.” He wasn’t playing for a stranger.

“He’s doing dishes out the back, but I’m sure he knows you’re here.” Thursten nodded at the piano. “It’s all yours, but I can’t promise that it’s in tune.”

“Thanks.” Rox walked over and put his bag on the floor. He’d brought a folder of music with him, even though it was pretty pointless. If the piano was out of tune, even more so.

He sat and, for several seconds, did nothing more than stare at the keys. Even though Lynck was working, Rox hoped that he’d come out and say hello. Perhaps not being distracted by him was part of the agreement, and if Rox’s playing stopped him from doing his job, then piano privileges would be over.

His eyes prickled, and he blinked a few times.

No, he wasn’t upset because Lynck was doing dishes. He hadn’t played since the funeral, and all those emotions that he thought he’d outrun had found a crack and were flooding in and filling him up. Again.

He pressed his palms to his eyes. This was ridiculous. He was past this. It had been over six months.

Longer since he’d heard her play.

A warm hand touched his shoulder, and he jumped.

Lynck crouched next to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” Clearly, he wasn’t.

“I thought you wanted?—”

“I do.” Which explained the tears. He sniffed and drew in a breath. “I want to play…” he couldn’t even explain how he felt.

“If the music isn’t ready to come out, you can’t force it. Sit until you feel the music again.”

“What is the point of that?”

Lynck considered him for several seconds. “You cannot hold back a tide, correct?”

“Yeah.” Rox frowned, not understanding where Lynck was going.

“So, why do you try to hold back your emotions?”

Rox shook his head. “Because…because I’m supposed to move on, and her death shouldn’t be hurting.”

“Did you sit with the grief and let the pain wash over you the first time, or did you push it away?”

Rox gave a bitter laugh. “I went on a road trip. I ran.”

At the time, he’d been so numb, so tired, that running away had been the only option.

“So now you must sit until it passes.”

That isn’t what humans did. “Is that what you did?”

Lynck gave a small nod. “You let it wash over you, or you let it consume you, fighting it with every waking breath. I fought the anger for far longer than six months when I was captured. Let me save you that pain.”

And Lynck had lost so much more. He’d lost everyone he’d ever known. He pressed a kiss to Rox’s temple as he stood. “I need to close up and clean up.”

“It’s okay if I sit?” If he wasn’t playing, he was in the way.

“You sit until you are ready to play. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe longer.” He stepped back, his hoof tapping on the wooden floor.

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