Page 19 of Hold my Reins

Lynck studied him, face fixed in concentration as if Rox was a puzzle he couldn’t solve. Then he lifted his hand, cupped Rox’s cheek, and placed a soft kiss on his lips for an answer. “No…though it should be all I want.”

Rox rocked forward onto his toes, needing more. “What do you want?”

“To walk along the beach and kiss you goodnight. To invite you around for dinner and bore you with my violin.”

“I don’t think that would be boring.” He’d grown up listening to his mother play the piano and teach others on the side before she’d started teaching him. At fourteen, he’d quit for a year to assert his independence, but he’d begun playing again when she’d been too sick. Now, music was a connection to her. As well as her recipe book, he’d also kept her music books.

Lynck’s eyes were dark. “Is that what you want?”

That had been his problem for the last decade. What did he want?

Not what did he need to survive? Or what did his mother need him to do so they survived? He’d quit school and gotten the apprenticeship to bring in extra money. Sure, he enjoyed pulling things apart, and he was good at it, but he’d wanted to do mechanical engineering. She’d wanted him to go further than he had, to follow his dreams.

What were they?

He’d existed in a nightmare of finding rent and paying for meds and getting her to doctors’ appointments. And he didn’t begrudge that time and effort, but it had been a lot. And his father hadn’t given a fuck—Rox hadn’t expected his father to care about Mom, but he should’ve cared about his son.

Instead, he was a fucking useless man who only cared about himself and the way things reflected on him. Helping his teenage son, who wasn’t going to a private school or living in the right area, meant admitting that not everything was peachy. Maybe if he’d put his hand in his pocket and paid even the bare minimum of child support…

Rox exhaled.

What did he want?

He wanted more than scraping by and someone needing something from him, but he also didn’t want to be on his own the way he’d been for the last six months. He wanted more than hooking up and moving on and piecing together a plan on the fly. He wanted a partner and love, and all the things he knew were possible, even though he’d never seen his mother have any of them. She claimed to like her space too much to share it with anyone when Rox had asked.

After numerous boyfriends and flings and one-night stands, Rox had reached the conclusion that it was him. He wasn’t good with people.

But maybe it was the men he’d been with.

The ones who expected him to be something else or for him to fit into their life or fantasies. And when he resisted, they labelled him as difficult, obtuse, prickly…

He stared up at Lynck. Who wasn’t human at all.

A monster—that many hated even existed—was asking what he wanted out of this, like he had an equal say, and his thoughts mattered, so he needed to say something.

“I want to keep seeing you. You’re interesting… No, that came out wrong. I don’t want to see you because you’re a monster. Shit.” He ran his fingers through his hair. He was going to fuck this up before there was anything to fuck up. “I like you, and I want to get to know you, and if that involves walking on the beach and listening to you play, that’s cool.” His cheeks heated, and he shoved his hands into his pockets, trying not to feel awkward.

“They are things I like…partly because running and other athletic feats are part of the kelpie mating process. What do you want?” Lynck asked again, as if Rox’s first answer wasn’t good enough.

He glanced down, his teeth worrying at his lower lip. “I should have that all worked out. But I don’t. I spent so long getting by and caring for Mom, and then I didn’t find myself while traveling either.” Did he even exist? If he vanished tomorrow, would anyone notice?

“You found yourself here.”

“Yeah.”

“So there must be something here that called to you?”

Rox shrugged. “I like the idea of living somewhere different. Of living in a town instead of a city, something with a bit more soul.” Where people didn’t slip into the shadows and disappear. “I didn’t want to take any mechanic job; it needed to be in a place where I could see myself building a life.”

“So, why did you select sex on the app?”

Rox laughed and scuffed the toe of his runner in the sand. “Because that’s easy. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you. If you want more, why didn’t you change what you wanted?” He flipped the question back at Lynck.

“I’ve thought about it, but most humans don’t want more from me. I thought it was because I’m a monster, but I wonder if it’s because…” Lynck shut his mouth.

Rox tilted his head. “What?”

What was Lynck hiding?

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