Page 46 of Hold my Reins

“But if he’s dead, he cannot order you?—”

“I will be ordered to defend him and to kill you.”

“So I’m supposed to do nothing? I’m supposed to pretend that nothing is happening, that everything is fine?”

“It might be.”

“Liar. You freaked out when you saw my boss.”

“Because others won’t involve themselves in frost giant business, but another frost giant…” Even if he hated Bothvar, he’d follow the rules that a bridled kelpie belonged to someone and needed to be returned.

“And frost giants are the only ones who catch kelpies.”

Lynck’s voice hardened. “They are the only ones brave enough to try.”

“And no one is brave enough to stand up to the frost giants.”

“I didn’t say that. But when they control the trade route, and they can cut off food and supplies to your town, how much resistance are you going to put up? When they increase the charge for safe travel through the mountains because you spoke up? When they burn your town because you refuse to trade with them because they wanted too much for too little? They are powerful and ruthless, and unfortunately, they have dragged kelpies into their mess, so we are feared.”

“But you have friends here who might help.”

Lynck shook his head. “I will not be responsible for their deaths or yours.” He softened his voice, not wanting to fight. “Can we not enjoy what we have?”

From the look on Rox’s face, the answer was no. His lips were turned down, and his eyes were troubled. “I want to, and I keep trying to, but I am the one who is going to be left to pick up the pieces.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can do that again.”

Oh…

In that moment, Lynck realized he’d only been thinking of himself and what it meant whenhewas forced to return to the monster realm. He hadn’t considered what it meant for Rox to remain in the human world alone. “But you want to finish the song?”

“I do, but at the same time, it’s going to end. And while not all relationships last, this will end because of a frost giant and some nasty magic, not because of us, and I’m still working out what that means for me. I’m being torn in so many different directions.” Rox raked his fingers over his hair and tugged out the elastic. “I want to spend every spare moment with you. What if we have ten years? What if we only have ten hours? How am I supposed to want everything and nothing in the samebreath?” He slapped his chest. “How can I protect my heart from destruction?”

Lynck cupped his human’s face, wanting to kiss away the pain. “You cannot.”

He’d never hated the bridle as much as he did in that moment. He wanted to swear that if Rox trusted him with his heart, it would always be taken care of. That they were mates, and nothing would ever change that.

But he couldn’t.

He should never have played Rox the song. He should’ve kept it to himself, but it had grown too big for his heart and needed to be shared. Selfishly, he wanted Rox to understand how much he loved him instead of walking away. If he had any kind bones in his body, he would have broken up with Rox and saved them both the heartache of what was to come.

He should’ve broken up with him and gone through the portal himself. Then there’d be no more waiting and wondering for the next order. Living with the threat wasn’t freedom, even though it had appeared to be at first.

He rested his forehead against Rox’s. “I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t want you as much as I do. I never meant to hurt you.”

“If it wasn’t for the fucking bridle…”

He smoothed his thumbs over Rox’s cheeks. “There is nothing we can do about that. We need to decide if we are going to finish the song or leave it incomplete.”

“I don’t want to walk away, but I don’t know how to go on either.” Rox closed his eyes. “That’s not true. I have done this before. The anger, the denial, the pretending that everything is fine… This is the same; it’s just a different flavor.”

“What do you humans like to say? That you could be hit by a bus tomorrow?”

Rox gave a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah. It could all be over tomorrow.”

There was a part of Lynck that wished that were true. Then, he’d no longer be hurting Rox. When he was gone, how long until the song and his heart faded away, or would it haunt him for the rest of his life?

twenty-two

Rox was terrified. It wasn’t the kind of fear that made him freeze but the kind that twisted in his gut, woke him up during the night, and stopped him from going back to sleep. And it had happened every night this week. That he’d spent every night with Lynck probably wasn’t helping.

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