Page 21 of How to Rescue Your Surprise Baby

“Sounds fake,” Raptor said immediately.

Telos curled his fingers into fists and flipped him off. Ace snapped a picture of Telos.

“More gasping breaths,” Crush said. He was tall and muscular too, with chestnut-brown hair and a quick smile. “Throw in some warbling, more forcefully. Like you’re trying to cough out a lung.”

“I’m going to deafenmyself,” Telos growled squeakily. But he scrunched up his face and wailed, sucking in air and crying until he could feel his face flush red.

“Better,” Mav said.

Telos was so surprised, he stopped crying. Mav, praisinghim?

Mav raised an eyebrow.

Fuck, he had better not be staying behind to riffle through Telos’ bags.

“You’re just saying that to shut me up,” Telos grumbled.

“No. I have no wish for you to jeopardize this mission,” Mav said dryly.

Ah, there he was. All sunshine and rainbows.

Duke clapped his hands to get their attention. He’d made himself mission leader, all bossy and righteous, but he sure helped them focus. “Looks like we’re ready to move out. Mav, you’re on car duty. Ace, you’re with Telos. Crush, Raptor, and I will leave this room slowly.”

“Aye aye, boss.” Ace saluted. He scooped Telos up and checked that the spelled shirt was tied on tight enough. Then he set Telos into his stroller, and showed him two flimsy cardboard boxes. “We’re out.”

Ace pushed Telos out of the room. Mav left by the back window somehow, and Telos kept his ears out for the kidnappers.

For the first hour, he stayed quiet. Ace took him through a pet store, then a farmer’s market. Ace’s phone buzzed.

“Looks like we’re about to have some fun, baby T,” Ace said after a moment. He reached around the stroller to wipe off Telos’ spit bubbles.

Between the folds of Ace’s washcloth was a small, round pellet. Telos took it into his mouth and held it there, kicking his legs and flailing his arms.

When Ace began pushing the stroller again, Telos soaked the pellet with saliva. The hard shell dissolved into something peppery; it stung his tongue and he coughed.

Orange embers flew out of his mouth. Telos held it in for as long as he could, then coughed out more embers.

The thing about joke shop pranks was, no one expected ababyto be using them.

“Aww, you sweet summer child,” Ace cooed, petting Telos’ face. He turned them down a busier street and kept on walking; Telos squirmed and kicked. Then he babbled loudly, reaching for a bright yellow duck hanging from the hood of his stroller. Had anyone else seen the embers? Maybe, maybe not.

When Ace turned them around, Telos saw a black car on the other side of the road.

Mav was in it, watching.

Telos picked out the others, too—Crush under an umbrella eating a hot dog, Raptor fiddling with his phone some distance away, Duke with a book of crossword puzzles on the other side of the road. They followed him and Ace around, moving one at a time so they were always surrounded.

Ace slipped Telos another fire-breathing pill. Telos held it in his hand, playing with it, waiting for some time before pretending to grab something from his seat, and smashing the pill into his mouth.

Hopefully it looked real.

He coughed out another handful of sparks. Ace laughed and crouched next to him, petting his head. Then he dropped Telos a different pill, and pushed Telos all the way up the street.

“I think we’re going to get some hotdogs,” Ace said, walking toward the hotdog stand where Crush was now polishing off some chili cheese fries. “Some people have real big appetites.”

Crush coughed lightly, but didn’t look in their direction.

Telos yanked on the threads of his baby blanket and tried to put a corner of it into his mouth. He popped the third pill, too.

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