Page 62 of Forced Plus-Size Mate

Body insists on driving, and I don’t really argue. I can tell he’s still not at full strength, but after what Fiona said about the other witches, I know I should take it easy until my headache settles down.

Even though we don’t speak on the drive home, we hold hands most of the way. When we get out of the truck, he immediately puts an arm around me, and I lean against him as we go inside.

“Do you need anything?” he asks. “You’ve taken such good care of me. Is there anything I can do for you?”

I shake my head. “I just want to shower and to lay down for a bit.”

“Okay. Let me know if there’s anything you need.”

I head for the bathroom, feeling a desperate need to be clean. It’s bad enough to lose friends and pack members on our side, but I’ve never killed anyone before.

I stand under the water for a long time, finally realizing that no amount of soap will clean off this feeling. I’ve dirtied my soul, and I can never undo it.

I had a good reason, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Afterwards, I go to the bedroom, where Body is waiting with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits.

“I’ll shower, too,” he says, kissing my forehead lightly. “You just rest.”

I eat a few biscuits and have a sip of tea, but eventually, I just curl up in the blankets, letting my emotions wrestle each other as I lie there feeling weak and sick.

It’s not just the fight… I was opening up, letting Body in… then he almost got killed!

By the time he returns from the shower, I’m crying softly, tears streaking down my cheeks as I cling to a pillow, trying to hold in my misery.

“Hey, Amanda, whoa!” Body jumps into bed with me, cuddling me close and stroking my hair. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head helplessly. I cling to him, pressing my face against his chest.

“I mean, I know you’re not okay,” he says gently. “But is there anything urgent I should worry about?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. I just… it’s been a lot to deal with.”

“I know,” he pulls back to look into my eyes. “But we’re together, and we’ll face it together from now on. You don’t have to be scared.”

“But that’s what I’m scared of, Body!” I yell. “You, and us, and—oh, fuck!” I cover my face with my hand as the tears come. “I still don’t trust this. It was so easy to break me years ago, and I thought I was stronger now. But I’m not, I’m really not!”

Body leans in and kisses me softly. “Amanda, I know I can’t heal your heart, or regain your trust with words,” he says. “I’ve told you what’s in my soul and admitted how badly I fucked up, but I don’t expect that to convince you.” He strokes my cheek, staring at my face like I’m the most precious and beautiful thing in the whole world. “Time is all I ask from you. Give me time to keep making it up to you. I promise you, I will. I will never leave your side.”

“Even if we have to fight?” I whisper. “Even if we die?”

He grabs my shoulders and kisses me hard. “I will always be with you, now and for all time. You’re in my blood and in my soul. Look into me, Amanda. Look with all your powers and see me for who I really am.”

My heart hammers painfully in my chest as I realize what he wants me to do. Even though my head is still tender, I can’t resist this invitation, and I feel the walls of his mind cracking as he lets down his mental defenses and opens up to me.

I put one hand on his heart, closing my eyes. Immediately, I’m pulled into Body’s mind. Caught in a rush of memories, I ride the flood through his present and his past. Events of high emotion are the clearest, and I feel all his regret, all his pain, and all the love he’s had locked inside that he could never share.

His longing for me permeates his every thought, sings with every beat of his heart. Beyond all memory, all the aspects of humanity that create him as a person, I find the soul of his wolf, a savage and primal creature that binds the two sides of him together with supernatural strength and enduring will.

The wolf stands on an empty, icy plain in his mindscape, completely alone and howling in isolated torment.

He’s all alone.

I get closer to the stillness, desperate to comfort this lost, lonely part of him.

Then, the howl becomes a word—a name.

Mine.

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