The thought is a painful one. I had her love and trust once—and I was the one who destroyed it.
I have no one to blame but myself.
Chapter 11 - Amanda
I’m shaken as I walk away from Body. I wrap my arms around myself and hurry over to the tents, shivering and tense. I don’t know if I’m angry, sad, or a terrible combination of both.
Both. Always both.
The freedom of the mountain, with its high, icy peaks and cutting wind, distracted me so much that I actually forgot about my years of pain. When I saw the young wolves coming out of the forest with Body right behind them, the only thing I felt was joy.
The mountain itself seemed to be singing to me, a melody of perfect balance, faith, and love.
It wasn’t until I got close to him again that it all fell apart. I’d slipped into that old feeling, the chemistry between us. The connection that went beyond physical, as if our hearts could beat as one.
Then he had to go and remind me of how many years we’ve been apart, and the reason why.
I get inside the tent and zip it up behind me, curling up with a sleeping bag and trying to hold in my tears. Fighting them does me no good—soon, they’re trickling down my cheeks, warm trails that quickly cool in the chill.
I manage to hold in my sobs, but there’s a good chance the others know I’m crying. Even little wolves have amazingly developed senses. It’s almost impossible to hide your emotions around them even at the best of times.
And this is, most certainly, not the best of times.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but eventually I get up and leave the tent, my misery replaced by nerves. I don’t know how to act around Body anymore. I’ve wanted answers forso long, but now that it looks like I might get them, I’m afraid to hear them.
The others appear to be gone, so I gather a bit of firewood from the nearby bushes and get the fire blazing high. My magic is stronger than it has been for months, and I’m able to bring a nice pile of wood over without any physical labor.
This is what it was like when I first left with the coven. Nothing but us and our magic, free in the wilderness.
I wonder what will happen to our cabins now that we’re gone. We built and maintained them with small acts of magic, and now that there is no one to tend them, they could crumble to dust. The thought makes me incredibly sad.
Especially because it looks like my coven doesn’t want to go back, and maybe they even regret going in the first place.
I hear a chorus of thin howls from above, and I know it’s the young wolves. It sounds like Body is teaching them how to hunt in a pack from the way their voices come from different directions and spiral around the mountaintop.
I set up a couple of saucepans, one for water and the other to cook some hot dogs. The kids might bring something down, but they are amateur hunters so I don’t expect them to be feeding themselves yet.
It’s amazing to see Body doing any of this. It really doesn’t fit the tough guy, jock image that he had going on in high school.
The noises above abruptly change direction and turn towards me. When I look up at the tree line, all four kids are hurtling across the plain with rabbits in their jaws. Body lopes along behind them, his eyes shining with pride and primal fire.
He’s beautiful, in any shape or form.
My heart twists in my chest, threatening to bring my tears back. I harden myself, clenching my fists and holding in a deep breath.
I won’t let this get to me!
The kids shift as they gather around the fire, all of them excitedly holding up their prey.
“We all got one!” Marty cries with enthusiasm. “Body said we’d probably only catch one rabbit between us, but we showed him!”
“Even I’m surprised,” Grace says, holding her dead rabbit in front of her and inspecting it warily. “I’m not even sure what happened to me when I rushed into the thicket. I don’t remember. But… I don’t really want to eat it.”
Body shifts as he enters the circle, grinning with pride. “You’ve all done extremely well,” he says. “The memory loss is normal, and as you get more familiar with shifting back and forth, that won’t be as much of a problem. This is exactly why we run camps like this—because we had lost the link. There were too many pack members that couldn’t fend for themselves in either shape.”
“Do I have to eat it?” Grace asks him, wrinkling her nose.
“Not this time,” Body says. “But we will be skinning them and boning them. You have to get used to doing that. I won’t have you survive on what you hunt until you’re a few years into training.”