Page 28 of One Last Night

Sean takes me to the seafood restaurant in West Tisbury that I ate at the day after my episode in the forest. The hostess recognizes me, and her eyes widen in surprise when she sees Sean. No doubt she’s amazed that I could manage to attract a man like him. Or a man at all.

Or maybe it’s only my insecurity telling me this. After all, I was only red-faced and puffy-eyed in front of her, not mumbling to myself or staring insanely at someone who wasn’t there. At least, I very much hope I wasn’t.

We sit, and the hostess has an order of clams on the half shell brought to our table. Sean's eyes widen when he tries the appetizer. "Wow. Yelp wasn't lying."

“Who wasn’t lying?”

“Yelp. The app.”

“The what?”

He chuckles. “The phone app Yelp. It’s an app that rates and reviews businesses.”

“Oh, Yelp. Right.” I chuckle and rub my forehead. “God. I’m so out of it.”

“You really are, though. I know you’re not so old that you don’t know what Yelp is.”

“Will you go easy on me, please? It’s been a trying few weeks.”

"I'll go easy on youifyou promise to be honest with me and tell me everything that’s happened to make the past few weeks difficult.”

I feel a pang of guilt for having to lie to him, but I don’t really have a choice. I have to tell him something, and I can’t tell him the whole truth. “I’m just worried about the letters. If I discover—or rediscover, I guess—that I was a bitch to my sister, it’s goingto hurt. I’ve always carried this belief that Annie and I were close and that she left because of our mother. If I find out that it was because of me, then I won’t recover.”

Sean nods and eats another clam. When he swallows, he says, “There. I’ve given myself time to bite back what I wanted to say, which would have been very uncomplimentary toward your sister.”

I chuckle and say, “Well, I appreciate that.”

“What Iwillsay is that those letters were written after your sister left. First of all, you didn’t know she’d left at the time. You thought she was dead or kidnapped. Second of all, even if you did, you would have been grieving, and sometimes when people grieve, they get angry. Your sister abandoned you, and whether you believed then or now that it was her fault, you felt betrayed by her. I’m sure there are some strong words in those letters, and I’m very sure that whatever they say has nothing to do with the relationship the two of you had before she left.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, though. What if… what if they hint at something? Some great wrong I did her?”

“Not everything is a drama, Mary. Not every event is a momentous, shocking thing that causes women to gasp and men’s eyes to widen. My next point is that your sister left when you two were very young. I’m exposing my own age a little by saying this, but at twenty-two years old, you know exactly fuck all.”

I giggle, nearly spilling the water glass I hold in my hand. The vulgarity is fairly tame, at least my English standards, but it catches me off guard.

“It’s true, though,” he insists. “I remember enough about being twenty-two to know that I was an idiot. I’m sure you were too. I’m sure Annie was too.”

He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “You have to let this go. I’m not going to tell you to stop looking forAnnie. We tried that once already, and it didn’t help. But youhaveto forgive yourself. Whatever happened between you and Annie happened thirty-two years ago. You’ve lived so much since then, and you have so much life ahead of you now. Don’t throw it away on one event from your childhood.”

I take a deep breath and release it slowly. “I wish it was that easy.” He lowers his eyes, and I plead with him, “Please understand. Growing up the way we did, Annie and I were all the other had. Our mother hated us. I mean, shehatedus, Sean. She tried to kill us both more than once. Father was good to us at first, but being married to our mother killed his soul long before it killed his body. I know that I’m older now, and I know that I’ve lived a lot of life free from my mother’s grasp, but…”

I stop myself before finishing that sentence. Sean finishes it for me. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair that the one person who should have been by your side through everything left you instead.”

I nod, afraid that if I speak, I’ll burst into tears again.

Sean squeezes my hand. “I won’t try to argue with you anymore. I know that letting go is much easier said than done. But I love you, for some reason.” I chuckle at that. “And because I love you, I’m not going to hide the truth from you. Obsessing over this isn’t healthy for you. Let go of Annie. Wherever she went, she made a choice to go without you. She doesn’t deserve any more of your attention.”

I nod again. “I can’t let her go. Like you said, I’ve tried. I need an answer. I need closure.”

He smiles sadly. “I know. So the next thing I’m going to suggest is that you let me help you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. You have your agency.”

“I do, and it will be a little while before I have two assistants selected, but once they are, I’ll turn operations over to them, and we’ll work together just like we did before. We’ll get you theanswers you need. And if you want, we can wait to open those letters until we can open them together.”

I grimace. “I don’t think I want you to see them. I don’t want you to know how cruel I can be.”

“You say that like I don’t live with you and haven’t seen you on mornings when the water’s not hot right away.”

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