Page 13 of One Last Night

I feel horrible for thinking this. I have a good life. I have all the money I could ever hope for, and all of the comfort that provides. I have married the man my parents wished for me to marry, and they have shown their approval by ensuring that my material needs will be met for the rest of my life.

And Vincent is not so terrible a man as I once feared. He is a competent businessman and humble enough to realize that our future is best secured by selling his enterprise to my father. Heis foppish, but he is not as self-absorbed as I once believed. He is gentle with me and demands little of what a husband is entitled to.

And he loves Walter in spite of everything. When he smiles at him, I see no disgust or hatred. When he plays with him, I see real affection. He talks often and at length of his hopes for Walter’s future and his desire that his son grow up with pride and strength.

His son. Even though I can see in his eyes that he knows the truth, he still considers Walter his son. He is a good man, and I am a wretch.

And that is why I am miserable. I am a wretch. I have betrayed a man who is good to me. It’s not his fault I loved another. It’s not his fault that I chose to conceal my love and pretend to a love I didn’t feel that I might please my parents. Vincent is a good man. He could have found a woman who loved him, one who would respond to his touch with genuine desire and not hidden disgust. I have denied him that chance.

And I see it in his face when he looks at me and sometimes even when he looks at Walter. He sees those blue eyes and knows they could not come from my gray eyes or his brown ones. He sees that jet black hair and knows that our blonde could not have produced that. He looks at me and knows that I gave to Nathan Grant more than I can ever give to him. And he does not hate me for it. He is a good man, and I am a wretch.

But I will live with my choice. I will love my son, and I will raise him as the son of Vincent Manderley. It is the right thing to do. I will bury my misery and live privately with the guilt that consumes me, as I deserve.

With a heavy heart and a weary soul,

Beatrice Manderley.

I close the diary and stare at the wall for a while, digesting what I’ve read. The emotions described here are so raw, so vivid!I could almost imagine that I have read an entire history of this poor woman and the trials she faced.

Perhaps I find this so fascinating because I see a parallel between poor Beatrice and Luann. Luann is not being asked to accept the hand of some prearranged suitor, but she is forced to hide her true feelings. Even without the presence of a competing lover, couplings between two individuals whose families are at odds with one another rarely end well. Few result in such violent tragedy as Romeo and Juliet, but all too many end as Beatrice and Nathan did.

There is nothing here to suggest that Nathan Bellamy’s name is related in any way to Nathan Grant’s name, and anyway, the Manderleys would have a different last name, but perhaps a nephew or niece was named in his honor. Though that would mean that someone else knew of Beatrice’s illicit affair or deduced it. That individual would also have had to approve of her affair.

But I’ve been here a while. If I wish to learn more of the adventures of Beatrice Manderley and the Bellamy family into which she was born, I will have to revisit these diaries another time.

Still, I can’t help but note that scandal has continued to follow this family. Aside from Luann and Kevin, there is this rivalry between their fathers. And then there was the odd way Victoria reacted to Julian’s joke that she and Robert Cartwright were in love with each other. Could it be that Victoria, like Beatrice, harbored a secret affair?

It seems absurd. It’s not like infidelity is a trait that can be inherited. Still, the coincidence is striking. Both Marianne and Beatrice bore a child that didn’t belong to their husbands. Could it be that Victoria might have done the same?

I scoff and quickly put the notebook away. I’m letting my imagination run away with itself. To think that I would judgethat poor woman based on the private thoughts of her husband’s ancestors long dead.

I return to the children and try to put those past scandals out of my mind. This current scandal is no doubt some business rivalry that has unfortunately spilled over into their private lives. Luann and Kevin are young, and even in the best of cases, first loves are rarely last loves. I will focus on caring for the twins and keeping them safe. I should treat those diaries as nothing more than entertainment.

Besides, the real danger isn’t who is conducting what affair with whom. Someone invaded this property and destroyed some of Victoria’s choice vines. The damage done is minimal in a financial sense, but the symbolism of the attack is sobering. Was the attack simply a warning?

0r was the fire a warning and this is a sign that worse is on the horizon?

CHAPTER SEVEN

The rest of the week passes without incident. The police interview us about the attack on the vineyard, but nothing is concluded. There are no more attacks, and Luann no longer sneaks out at night. Julian makes no more late-night phone calls, and I hear no more mention of Robert Cartwright.

The children begin their lessons, and I am not surprised to find them both very bright and even less surprised to find Nathan near genius. Indeed, I am poorly equipped to teach him, particularly in the hard sciences, where his intuition surpasses anything I have seen in any young person before him. I can only hope that my guidance in other subjects is appreciated.

As for myself, I slake my desire for scandal by immersing myself in the diaries. There is more than enough there to satisfy me. Beatrice’s premarital affair with Nathan Grant pales in comparison to her numerous marital affairs, and her amorousness doesn’t end when Vincent finally tires of her infidelity and leaves both her and the Bellamy family business. Her niece Caroline continues the family tradition of scandals by sleeping with her father’s next business partner, an affair which—according to the diaries—continues successfully for thirty years with no one but the principles ever aware of it.

Caroline’s sister-in-law, Elizabeth—who is also the late Parker Bellamy’s great-grandmother—does not cheat on Travis Bellamy, and her marriage to Jacob’s son remains unblemished by scandal. However, she meets Travis while married to another man and only leaves her husband for Travis after the poor man catches the two of them in bed.

Various other Bellamys make an appearance in the journals, and none of them can seem to avoid infidelity. It’s as though thisfamily were cursed never to love who they ought and always to betray who they love.

I feel guilty for my interest in their scandals, but I can’t pull myself away. It’s like a soap opera. And in any case, it keeps me from meddling further than I must in the current scandal plaguing this family. So what harm can it cause?

Saturday is a big event at the Bellamy estate. The first vintage of the Bellamy Estate Pinot Noir by Continental Vineyards is bottled and ready for sale. Victoria is hosting a wine-tasting party. She's invited sommeliers, wine-tasters, critics, and other vintners from all over New England to attend. In all, over ninety people arrive, and the staff is run ragged, tending to everyone.

The guests of “honor” command the most of my attention. Robert Cartwright attends the event with his son Kevin. The two of them are granted a place near Victoria’s own table, an interesting move on Victoria’s part considering the two are rivals. Perhaps she prefers to keep her enemies close.

I am allowed a seat at Victoria’s table. The children are inside since they’re not of age to drink alcohol, but I’ve been allowed to join the event as a courtesy.

As soon as Robert arrives, Victoria approaches him. She wears a smile, but I detect a fierceness in her eyes and anticipate a fight. I am not proud of this, but I stay quiet in hopes she won’t notice me and I can overhear the argument.

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