Page 115 of All I Want For Christmas

She was staring at him. And now she crossed her arms. A very defensive posture.

She took a deep breath. “Well, first, I need to apologize.”

He lifted a brow. He hadn’t expected that either. This was turning out to be one surprise after another. He didn’t say anything.

“I overreacted…that morning. I was mad, for sure, and it all felt legitimately bad at the moment, but it wasn’t because you really did anything wrong.” She took a deep breath. “And I should have let you apologize.”

Theo realized he was holding his. He blew it out. “I should have thought about how you’d feel waking up alone.”

She gave a single nod. “Well, some of it was because I was shocked by how close I felt to you so quickly. You made me feel safe and like you really cared and?—”

“I—” he started.

She held up a hand, stopping him.

“And then when you were gone, and I was alone, and in a new environment, I started feeling out of control and questioning letting myself be vulnerable like that and my insecurities just got the best of me,” she continued, staring at the center of his chest instead of looking him in the eye. “I don’t like being out of control. Except…” She wet her lips. “I liked it with you.”

Theo couldn’t see her clearly in the dim light, but he’d put very good money on the fact that she was blushing. His body hardened and he took another step closer.

“And then when you weren’t there, I felt very exposed and I felt dumb about it,” she finished. “But none of that was your fault.” She lifted her eyes to his. “You were just being you. I trusted you because you’re a good guy and I believe that you felt bad about the next morning.”

Theo felt his heart squeeze. “Damn,” he said softly. “That was a pretty good apology.”

The corner of her mouth actually tipped up just slightly. “Yeah? Because I don’t do that a lot.”

“I’m even more honored then.”

“So about this trip,” she started.

“Hang on,” he interrupted. “I have something to say too.”

She frowned. “Okay.”

“If I’d realized how you would feel waking up alone like that, I never would have left. I know you don’t trust easily, and I realize that you like being in control and believe me,” he said sincerely. “Getting you to let go and let me close like that was…” He blew out a breath, finding it difficult to pick the right words. “Humbling,” he finally said. “I didnottake that for granted and I’m sorry I left you that morning. For lots of reasons. For making you feel anxious and like I didn’t listen. But also because I wanted to wake up with you and spend the day with you. I am sorry for not waking you up andtalkingto you. Because even though these past two months have been like they used to be between us, I haven’t liked not talking to you and being closer to you.”

She was staring at him, her mouth open.

So he went on. “I need to know what you want from me with this trip. If you just need a friend so you’re not alone with this Mark, I can do that. If you need me to pretend to be more thanthat so he’llreallyback off, I can do that. If you want me to just drop you off for work and then pick you up after, I can also do that. But, considering…everything, I thought it would be good to put it out there how this is going to go.”

She had been back to Autre five times since their night together. He’d seen her every time and he’d wanted to talk to her, touch her, ask her how she was. But he’d held back. Given her space. Let her decide how things would be between them.

But in spite of basically leaving her alone he was completely twisted up over her.

He’d finally had to admit it to himself on Thanksgiving.

That was one of the times he’d expected to see her in Autre, and she hadn’t been here.

And it had killed him not knowing where she was and if she was in New York with her family, and if so, was she happy? Were they being good to her? Or was she alone somewhere? And if so, was shelonely? And the idea that she might be lonely and sad had gutted him.

So when Becca had mentioned Savannah spending Christmas alone at a B&B in North Carolina, he’d known immediately that he was going. Whatever that meant, and however Savannah wanted that to play out.

Now she was squeezing her arms against her stomach. She nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Theo tucked his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. “Okay. So…you’re calling the shots.” She should like that. She did like being in control.

Which was what made getting her to turn that control over to him so fucking hot and so much fun…

Theo shut those thoughts down and made himself focus on her and just wait for her response.

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