Page 111 of All I Want For Christmas

But neither of those were options with Theo.

She didn't think anything would be casual with Theo. It wouldn't just be sex. It wouldn't even just be a casual dating relationship.

He’d made her feel soft things she didn’t want to feel. She’d been vulnerable. She’d felt cared for. She’d felt close to him in a way she hadn’t felt to anyone in a long, long time. She’d felt like he justgot her.

All inonenight. They'd slept togetheronce. Sort of accidentally.

And the next morning, she’d been given a taste of the kind of heartbreak Theo Taggart could dish out to her.

Okay, since October she’d been able to admit that she’d overreacted some.

But still…what would it be like if they actually had a relationship for any period of time, got even closer, she opened up even more, and decided she could settle down? Thought maybe sleeping every night in that bed, in that cabin, in his arms was pretty fucking great? Thought she could wake up there every morning? Thought she could stay, could put down some roots?

And then what if one morning she woke up, looked around, and felt stuck? Realized they never went anywhere? Realized she wanted more and he didn’t? That would be really unfair. She knew he didn’t want more than his life in Autre. He hadn’t hidden that or lied about it. So if they got into a relationship it would be becauseshethought she could be different. And what if she changed her mind? And what if she panickedthen?

Basically, what had happened that morning but on a much, much larger, more serious, more painful level?

“Savannah?”

"What?” She really tried to focus on Becca. "Sorry, I'm really distracted with this trip."

"Yeah, the trip," Becca said with a nod. "I was saying that you are thinking about turning that work trip into a very good excuse to miss the holidays here, right?"

"Not necessarily," she tried lying.

Becca gave her acome on nowlook.

Savannah sighed. "Maybe. But I've never been to North Carolina. And hey, I'll be on a reindeer and Christmas tree farm. That’s so…Christmas-y.” She laughed. She knew Steve was never going to go for this place, but it sounded fun, and charming, and…different. “Why not stay there? It’s a new experience. You know that I like that."

"You're already getting bored of spending time in Autre?" Becca asked. She was smiling, and her tone was light, but Savannah noted the tiny hint of hurt in her friend's voice.

She shook her head. "Of course not. But you know that I'm always looking for new experiences. Autre’s adorable. Totally quaint and charming. I've had some awesome Christmases here. But I haven't had snow at Christmas in a few years. I just think it could be kind of fun in North Carolina for a change."

"Well, you know, Theo can give you all kinds of tips on that," Zander said.

Her stupid heart flipped over at hearing Theo’s stupid name said out loud.

She looked over with a frown. Zander was sitting at the end of the table closest to their table, but Savannah hadn't realized that he'd been eavesdropping. "Tips about what?" she asked.

Then she regretted it. It was really better not to encourage any conversation about Theo at all. Because she was actually curious. Because he fascinated her even though she was still kind of mad at him.

She immediately corrected that thought though.

She wasn’t mad at him.

She was scared of him.

And what he could do to her heart.

And because if she was ever going to speak to him again about anything she was probably going to have to lead with an apology.

She wasn’t very good at apologizing.

That’s why, even though she had actually picked up her phone and dialed all but one of the digits of his phone number at least a dozen times over the past two months, she’d always hung up before completing the call.

"Yeah,” Zander said. “His mom and dad live in North Carolina. He can give you all kinds of trip tips."

She knew his parents lived in North Carolina.

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