Page 117 of Heartbreaker

Tonight is terrifying.

But…

Itneedsto be tonight.

I need to start now.

“I can do tonight,” I say, my voice still hoarse. “I’m babysitting my niece but she’ll be in bed by eight.”

A pause, and maybe I’m imaging it, but I feel approval coming through the airwaves.

A delusion, likely.

Still, I’m taking it.

“Great. We’ll meet at eight-thirty. I’ll text a secure virtual meeting link to this number. You’ll put in a payment method. My rates are…”

I stay on the line for the next couple of minutes, listening to her rate card, her cancelation policy, how to reach her in the case of an emergency, and the information buzzes around my mind as she says goodbye and hangs up before I can reply.

She’s…

Well…brusque.

Brusque may be a strange trait for a therapist, and yet, I know that if she was gentle or soft or sweet, I wouldn’t have been able to go through with this.

I need someone to match the jagged edges of me, someone who’s protected and not going to get wounded by my bullshit.

Someone who’ll push me so I can push myself.

That’s not my family’s job.

That’s not Jade’s either.

I need them to love me, and I’ll love them back.

I needherto love me, and I’ll give her the world.

I just…

Have to get to her first.

I exhale, rubbing the ache in my chest as I hear footsteps pound down the hall, signaling that Frankie’s daily love affair with Ms. Rachel has ended.

“Time for dinner, Tater Tot?” I ask as she runs into the kitchen.

“I want dino nuggets!”

I grin, despite myself. Her enthusiasm and brightness are impossible to not take to heart.

“Then you get dino nuggets.” I shoot her a look. “And carrots.”

Her nose wrinkles.

“Because we need veggiesandbecause we need sharp eyesight so we can see the right notes to play.”

“Do carrots do that?”

I tug a strand of her hair, even though I don’t know if that’s true or just an old wives’ tale. “They sure do.”

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