Page 116 of Heartbreaker

Then I’m looking at my list of contacts like a rattlesnake is going to jump out and sink its fangs into me.

Because the next step is harder.

And even though I have the number programmed into my phone, this isn’t like physical therapy, tried and put aside in frustration and rage when no further progress seemed to be in sight. This is…

Vulnerable and dark all over again.

This is pulling myself into the light.

I’ve never called the number, not even when the guys all but threatened to tie me up and drag me to the grief counselor’s office. But I did accept Atlas’s compromise of having it saved into my contacts in case I ever felt the need to use it.

Funny that it’s been years now.

And it’s taken until now to finally be ready to make the call.

I tap my finger against the screen, bring my phone to my ear, and listen to it ring. Once. Twice. Three times.

I’m mentally preparing my voicemail when the brusque feminine voice comes on the line.

“This is Catherine.”

“I—” But the words stopper up in my throat, and I find that I suddenly don’t know what to say.

I’m a fuck up. Please help?

“Hello?”

There’s a rustling sound, as though she’s going to hang up, and my throat loosens.

“Wait!”

“This is Catherine Wells. Who am I speaking to?”

Christ, why is this hard?

“R-Royal Ewing,” I finally manage to get out. “Atlas Delarosa gave me your number. I thought…” I lose my words again because I’m not sure what to say…I thought you might be able to fix me?That’s?—

Ugh.

It’s exposed, dangerous.Pathetic.

Jade’s hurt gray eyes flash into my mind.

No. I owe it to Jade.

To myself.

It’s the only way I can be a good enough man to trust that I won’t hurt her again.

I exhale, not missing that Catherine isn’t pushing me to finish the thought, just patiently waiting. “My mind isn’t in a good place. I’m struggling, and I’ve lashed out, hurt the people I love too many times.” Then I realize how that sounds, feel compelled to add, “Not physically, just…”

This time she does finish for me.

“With words?”

“Yes,” I rasp.

“Okay then.” A slight pause, which isn’t the worst thing considering that the no nonsense words leaves me reeling for amoment. “I can do a virtual appointment late tonight. Or if you prefer in person I can see you Monday or Tuesday of next week.”

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