Page 159 of How to Score Off Field

Same beard stubble on his face.

From the next room, the sound of the shower being turned off has Drake and I glancing at one another.

“I should go before he walks in here. He’ll want to know what ideas I’ve been tryin to fill your head with.” He laughs good-naturedly.

“True.”

“Anyway. Think about what I said. I don’t think it’s a big deal that he called you a childhood friend ’cause that’s what you are, eh?”

“Right.”

But what I am and what I want to be are two different things.

Don’t I wish I were the kind of girl who could just blurt out everything she felt, whenever she felt it?

But, of course, my brain has to go into overdrive, analyzing every possible outcome, replaying every conversation he and I have had, and it’s driving me nuts in the process.

It’s like a mental loop that won’t stop, and I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and frustration.

Childhood friend.

Ugh. Why can’t I let this go?

I realize it’s stupid and small.

Drew probably has no idea that he said a single thing to hurt me or make me feel insignificant, as if we haven’t been wrung through the wringer lately!

No clue that I’m over here caught up in a tornado of emotions, trying to keep my cool on the outside. I mean, I’ve been acting like I have my shit together—everything is fine. I’m fine. We’re good.

But deep down, it’s a different story.

Guess I’m more insecure than I thought I was, and it’s not fair to him that I’m not sharing.

But do guys want to hear our thoughts? Don’t the words “What are you thinking, what’s on your mind,” make their dick shrivel up?

Ha.

Now the more I try to turn my brain off, the more things are creeping back in, mocking me for being so damn... well, childish.

Petty.

Like seriously? Is this what adulting feels like? Because if it is, I want a refund.

So what if he called me a childhood friend. That’s what I am.

Sort of.

Okay fine, not really, we were never friends. He was friends with my brother, but maybe in his brain, it’s the same thing.

I catch myself stealing glances when he’s not looking, then today, watching him play in the football game…was nothing short of surreal.

Confession: it was my first time in a college football stadium. How horrible is that? A Texas girl who grew up onFriday Night Lightshas never been to a college game? When most of her brother’s childhood friends ate, drank, and dreamed the game? Including my brother?

Including Drew.

His brothers.

A first for me.

---