Page 134 of How to Win the Girl

thirty-six

drake

I give the best relationship advice and I’m single. Why? Coaches don’t play.

It’s nevera good sign when the girl you like texts you and says “we need to talk.”

We need to talk?

About what?

I had it all figured out in my brain how things would go now that the truth is out in the open—everyone knows I fucked up, everyone knows I lied, everyone has accepted my apologies.

The events were going to unfold as follows:

Go on a date

Laugh and have fun

Message each other a bunch, hang out

Bang

Maybe take her to the gym and work out with her so I can stare at her ass when she bends over to grab weights, and vice versa.

Bang

Go on another date

Bang

Repeat, but not necessarily in that order.

So what could she possibly want to talk about?

And in person!

I drag a worn hoodie over my head, then slip on my sneakers, my brother’s lying on the couch when I hit the bottom step.

Since when is he an early riser?

I’m the one awake at the ass crack of dawn. I’m the one who has to coax him into jogging before class. I’m the one half done with my day before he even gets dressed.

“Going somewhere?”

I pull on a baseball cap. “Daisy wants to get together. Said she has something to talk about.”

“This early?” My twin pulls a face. “Yikesss...”

Yikes?What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“Don’t say yikes. What the fuck, man.”

Seriously, what a dick, putting those negative thoughts in my head that I wasn’t thinkin’ about before.

Asshole.

“You don’t have to sound so defensive,” he demurs. “I’m just sayin’ yikes. Chill. Early usually doesn’t end well.”

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