Page 25 of How to Lose at Love

“Are you sure you don’t want to come inside? We can keep talking.” Keep talking? We’d barely said ten words to one another the entire night. What I meant was, ‘So we can finally have one-on-one time.’

“Ugh, babe, I’m so tired, and we gotta be up early tomorrow for drills.”

That was a given. I wasn’t naïve about the fact that he worked out and practiced a lot, but there was no reason he couldn’t come in and possibly spend the night.

“Gracias por entender.” His fingers brushed my hair back behind my ears and he leaned forward to lightly press his lips to my forehead.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, thanks for understanding.”

But I didn’t understand.

I wanted the guy I was seeing to come inside my apartment and touch me. Talk to me. Maybe dry hump me. I don’t know. I was attracted to him—he’s a good-looking guy. Sweet. Kind. Patient.

What was so wrong with me that he didn’t want to get to know me more?

We had no chemistry. This I knew. That fact I understood.

Still, it didn’t stop me from trying.

I wasn’t a quitter, and my parents always told me you have to put work into a relationship to make it work.

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I believe love grows over time. Does that make me a cynic? Or does it make me realistic?

Rolling over, my eyelids finally grow heavy, the urge to send a message to Diego creeping to the very back of my mind to settle there. If he wants to get ahold of me, fine, but I’m not going to pursue what I was grasping at for two months.

I gave the boyfriend thing a shot, and it didn’t work out.

five

dallas

“Oh. You’re dating my ex? Cool. I just ate a sandwich—want those leftovers, too?”

–Diego Lorenz

“…you’regoing to hate hearing this since I know your views on relationships while you’re in the middle of a season, but it wouldn’t hurt you to be seen with a responsible young woman.”

My view on relationships. Ha!

What does Elias Cohen know about my views? Let alone on relationships, period. From what my brother, Duke, has told me about my agent’s personal history, the dude was dumped by his long-term girlfriend for one of his clients, then she got preggo, tried to pretend it might be his, mind-fucked him for a few weeks when he first started dating his current girlfriend.

So messed up.

So what business is it of his to judge my single status?

Because it’s his job, Duke not-so-kindly pointed out. Duke, who just started seeing someone himself after being single most of his adult life. My brother barely sleeps around; I couldn’t believe my eyes when he brought a woman to campus when we moved in at the beginning of the year.

Posey is cute. Sassy. Perfect for my brother because she’s a kindergarten teacher and he acts like a six-year-old sometimes.

“…it wouldn’t hurt you to be seen with a responsible young woman.”

Seen?

What does that even mean?

Seen doing what? Holding hands? Frolicking in a field? Painting pottery and sharing ice cream?

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