Page 22 of How to Lose at Love

“Actually no, you didn’t tell me that. You said she was salty, but when you offered her a ride, she took it. Meaning she didn’t want to stab you.” He’s quiet. “What’s she like?”

“How should I know?”

“Youjusttook her home. She was trapped in your truck for what, ten minutes? Didn’t you talk?”

“Not about anything interesting.” I pause. “And she wasn’t trapped. She climbed in of her own free will.”

“You didn’t ask her any questions about herself?”

“Why would I do a thing like that? I’m not interested in getting to know her, moron.”

Seriously. Get real, Drake.

“Does she seem respectable? What was she wearing?”

I snort. “That has nothing to do with it. Also, she was wearing a puffy coat because it’s fucking freezing outside.” And a hat. And a scarf. “I couldn’t tell you if her hair was blue or pink or if she shits rainbows.”

“Then how did you know it was Ryann Winters?”

“I didn’t know it was her, but Diego told me where she worked, so when I saw a girl come outside, I threw her name into the air like a fart in the wind and she responded.”

My brother considers this information. “You have such a way with words.”

“Thanks.”

Drake pushes himself off the bed. “Well. This all sounds great, but you made me bored, and when I’m bored, I get hungry.” My brother stands in the middle of my room. “I’m gonna make a pizza since you don’t give a shit what we’re having.”

“Cool.”

He lifts his leg and lets one rip before walking toward the door with a laugh, crop-dusting the entire space.

What an asshole.

four

ryann

“Welcome to DumpVille. Population: you.”

– Winnie

Winnie:

Diego did WHAT?

Sent someone to break up with me.

What do you mean break up with you?

He broke up with me. But HE didn’t do the breaking up—he had a friend do it.

Tell me you’re joking.

Nope.

I can’t believe you’re being serious right now. Who does that? WHO????

We did that shit in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I remember Adam Blankenberg telling my friend Amy Wolf to break up with me for him. She told me at my locker after lunch and I took the Bart Simpson mug he gave me for Valentine’s Day and tossed it in the trash.

---