Page 130 of How to Lose at Love

Plus.

I am his teammate’s ex.

Plus.

We’re caught up in a media storm and that’s taken center stage in our lives.

Plus, plus, PLUS.

Ugh, when is it going to end? What can I possibly say to him to let him know how I feel?

Should I?

It feels like a bad idea.

Winnie thinks I need to spit it out and be done with it so it’s not constantly on my mind, but truly, I personally think I need to bury the feelings so I don’t get hurt.

I don’t want to get hurt.

Again.

The reasons are simple:

I was dumped by a guy who never bothered to get to know me.

Who wants to be rejected by someone they like?

Who wants to be rejected by someone they’ve had sex with?

We slept together with no understanding, but the intention was clear: both of us wanted to get laid. We weren’t looking for a commitment. We were DSO:desperately seeking orgasm.

And we can’t forget I was the instigator in each of the times Dallas and I were intimate. It was my idea to play truth or dare. It was my idea to write KISS ME above my crotch, thinking it would be hilarious and also drive him to distraction.

It was my idea to get down on my knees and give him a blow job.

It was my idea to rub my ass against his dick in the middle of the night after I heard him going to pee, knowing he’d want to have sex again.

But flirty games and sex do not mean he reciprocates my feelings in any way.

Sure, I’ve caught him staring at me when I wasn’t paying attention, and yes, I’ve felt him sniffing my hair…and neck…but in no way has Dallas Colter indicated he wants a relationship—a real one, not this fake bullshit we’ve somehow backed ourselves into.

What a mess.

What a flippin’ mess.

How did we get here, and how…

…do we get out?

thirty-two

dallas

“When someone says you can’t do something, do it twice and take pictures.”

– Eli Cohen

The paparazzi arecamped out in front of my house.

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