Page 108 of How to Lose at Love

“You treat them fine. I can see that now that we’ve spent more time together, so I’m sorry I ever thought you’d treat me like crap. You don’t.”

No, I don’t treat her like crap.

I stew on this information, gazing at the television but not seeing anything on the screen.

Shit.

My brain.

“So that’s what you think of me, eh?”

“No.” She pauses, drawing out the silence. “Not at all.”

Not anymore.

The unspoken words hang over the room, lingering.

“Just because I don’t flirt with women and give them false hope, don’t stick my dick into every single one who’s willin’ doesn’t mean I’m an asshole. If anything, I think that makes me a pretty decent dude. At least I’m not a douche. Everyone knows what to expect from me at all times. No guessin’ games.”

My Texas twang is coming in hot and heavy the more frustrated I get.

Ryann nods. “That’s very true. I just…” She fiddles with the edge of her robe. “I’m not going to lie. I thought you needed fixing.”

“Fixin’?”

“Yeah. I thought you needed like, relationship help. Which is why I agreed to this sham of a relationship.”

She said as much.

twenty-five

ryann

“The best part of the relationship was when we hadn’t met yet and we were still single.”

– Diego Lorenz

I can’t believeI’m admitting all of this to him.

It makes me feel like the worst kind of person saying it to his face, how I wanted to fix him, how I thought he needed my help.

What a jerk.

Me, not him.

“I’m sorry.”

He’s not perfect by any means, but neither am I. And he’s right—at least he’s honest and upfront about his intentions, unlike so many people. Unlike Diego, who sort of strung me along for two months and didn’t have the guts to dump me himself.

He and I still have not spoken, and now that I’ve managed to distract myself with Dallas, I have no desire to.

Distract myself?

Really, Ryann, is that what you’re doing?

Kind of.

Is that what you’d be calling it if he were interested in dating you? You dated a schlepp like Diego and had no problem with it—are you going to lie to yourself and say you wouldn’t jump at the chance to go on a real date with Dallas Colter?

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