Page 45 of I Did Before I Do

As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering.

I kept thinking about Sydney. How horrified she’d looked, and how badly I wanted her. How much I wanted to apologize and explain everything.

But would she even listen?

I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. Her ex had lied and cheated. If she wanted to write me off because of what happened with Emily, well. it would suck, but I wouldn’t blame her.

But I wanted her to hear me out. So she’d know what had really happened and how I felt.

Because I definitely felt something. I felt a lot of things when it came to her. I hadn’t felt this much for a woman since Bay, and Bay had torn my fucking heart out.

I’d fucked up, that was true. She’d wanted one thing for me, and I’d taken my life in a different direction. And by the time I’d realized that I really wanted her and came back, well, she was gone.

I still missed her.

I missed her every single day.

But since I’d met Sydney, it hadn’t been the same kind of missing her. It was nostalgic, but not sad. The sense of regret wasn’t as strong.

I kept thinking about what Sydney had said when we had dinner at her place.Everything works out in the end. Was that true about me and Bay? About me and Sydney? Because this didn’t feel like everything working out.

It felt like a problem I needed to fix.

I’d lost one girl by making a stupid decision too late. I didn’t want to let it happen again. Not with Sydney.

This wasn’t about being her first anymore.

This was way, way bigger than that.

I put down the weights I had in my hands and moved to pick up my phone from the floor. It wasn’t quite five yet, but this couldn’t wait.

I sent her a text.

Sydney, can we talk? I know how last night looked, but that’s not what was happening. Please just hear me out. That’s all. Text back if you want to meet up.

I had to fix this before I lost another good girl forever, before Sydney gave up on me like Bay had.

I couldn’t let myself lose her.

Chapter Nineteen

Sydney

Work dragged on too long. But not because of any sense of anticipation; it dragged on because I didn’t want to fucking be there.

I wanted to be wallowing. Rolled up in my blankets in bed, drinking wine, and listening to sad music until I cried myself to sleep.

I wanted to be in a bar, finding a stranger who would take me home and fuck me until I forgot who Ryker Hart was.

The clock finally hit five. I grabbed my bag, booking it out the door. I didn’t stop to chat or say goodbye to anybody, just left.

I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries or gossip. I wasn’t in the mood for Jay being a petulant child over my lack of interest in him.

And I still hadn’t replied to Ryker’s text. What could he possibly have to say that would mean anything to me?

I stopped on my way home and picked up dinner. I didn’t have it in me to cook, and a cheeseburger and fries sounded like the right kind of comfort food. I still had wine at home and probably a few beers in the back of the fridge.

Nobody could stop me. I could go to work with a legendary hangover tomorrow. Nothing wrong with that.

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