Page 18 of I Did Before I Do

I lowered my head, tears in my eyes.

“I didn’t call because, well, because it’s really humiliating. You know? Just… all of it. He cheated, and with men, and he lied to me, and I feel like I’ve wasted the best years of my life. I should have been dating and having really good sex and I was just… doing nothing.”

I sniffled softly.

Lora squeezed my hand. “Hey,” she said gently. “I know it’s not the same as what happened with me and Chris, but it’s similar. And you’ve got the opportunity for a fresh start. Okay?”

I looked up at her, wiping my eyes with a free hand. “I don’t know. What guy my age wants to get with a twenty-five-year-old virgin?” I let out a bitter laugh. “I’m going to die alone.”

It sounded melodramatic even to me, but it was how I felt.

“You are not going to die alone,” Kenzie said, shaking her head. “You’ve just got to find the right guy, Syd. And when you do, it’ll happen. Okay? There’s no need to rush it.”

But I wanted to rush it. I wanted to get with somebody who would show me a good time, and then…

I didn’t know. I wanted love and stability, but I also wanted to date around. Experiment. Try out different guys and see what I liked.

I’d lost so much time to Mark, and I’d never get it back.

I sniffled again and reached for one of the potato skins, biting into it. Something about greasy bar food made this suck a little less.

Kenzie and Lora were quiet for a moment. They slowly let me go, each of them grabbing a snack.

I broke the silence. I had to change the subject, and I wanted to ask Kenzie some questions. “Hey, Kenzie?”

“Yeah?” She looked up, shoving the rest of a nacho into her mouth.

Charming.

“How well do you know Ryker Hart?”

“He works with Bradley and Benny.” She tilted her head. “Why? I know he bumped into you the other night. Did he do something?”

I shook my head. “Just curious about him. He dropped by my office today.”

“Why?”

Oh, shit. I didn’t know if Kenzie knew what Benny was up to.

“I dunno. He asked one of the lawyers some questions, I guess.”

“Huh.” She shrugged at that.

Lora joined in the conversation. “He’s a really good artist. I follow him on Instagram, and he does some cool stuff.”

“He’s worked at No Regrets for a while.” Kenzie picked up her beer. “Five years, maybe? Benny and Bradley hired him a couple of years after they took over the shop. He’s kind of a player.”

“So, no girlfriend?” I hoped I sounded casual.

Clearly, I didn’t sound casual at all. Kenzie shot me a look, one eyebrow raised. “No. The whole time I’ve known him, he never had a girlfriend. He’s hooked up with a lot of girls, but there’s never been anything serious.”

Maybe he would be the one to do it, then. Nothing serious. And he was hot.

But maybe I wanted to lose it to somebody I had a real connection with.

Why couldn’t I have just done it when I was sixteen like most girls?

I took a sip of my own beer. “This is weird, but do you know if he ever went to college?”

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