SUMMER
The apartment was quiet, save for the soft hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of the floorboards. I leaned against the kitchen counter, my hands gripping a steaming mug of tea. The faint scent of chamomile filled the air, but it wasn’t doing anything to calm my nerves.
From the living room, Ava’s quiet, steady breathing drifted over, grounding me just enough to keep me from spiraling. She was asleep on the couch, Bunny tucked tightly under one arm, her face tilted to one side. She’d refused to go to her bed earlier, insisting she wanted to wait for me to sit with her.
Now, she looked so peaceful, so innocent. She had no idea how much I was failing her.
I moved to the couch, adjusting the blanket draped over her. Her curls spilled across the pillow, and I gently brushed a few strands back. Bunny’s worn ear flopped onto her cheek, and I tucked it under her hand.
She stirred slightly, murmuring something unintelligible before settling again.
“You’re perfect,” I whispered. “I just hope I don’t mess this up.”
Back in the kitchen,I sat down at the table, staring at the untouched mug in front of me. My fingers ran over the edge of the handle as I tried to focus on the warmth, the tangible, instead of the mess swirling in my head.
The memory of dinner at Enzo’s family’s house was still fresh, and the unspoken questions about Ava’s father lingered like a storm cloud over my head. Elaine had been kind, but her curiosity was sharp.
And Enzo…
I let out a sigh, resting my forehead against my hand. He was trying so hard to help, to show me that he cared, and all I’d done was shut him out.
I stood abruptly,needing something to do. My gaze landed on the stack of Ava’s drawings on the counter, and I picked them up, flipping through the pages.
There was the dragon castle she loved to talk about, complete with Ava’s trademark bright yellow sun in the corner. Another picture showed a stick figure version of me, holding hands with her.
But the next drawing stopped me cold.
It was a family portrait. Ava had drawn herself in the middle, holding hands with me on one side—and Enzo on the other.
My breath hitched, and I stared at the page for what felt like forever. She’d even given him a little stethoscope.
A pang of guilt shot through me. She’d only just met him, but already, she saw him as someone important. Someone who belonged.
I placed the drawing back on the counter, the edges of the paper trembling slightly in my hands.
The kettle whistled,pulling me out of my thoughts. I moved mechanically, pouring hot water into another mug and letting it steep. The motions were automatic, familiar, but my mind was far from calm.
I leaned against the counter, watching the tea bag swirl in the water. My reflection in the window above the sink stared back at me, tired and hollow.
When had I become this person?
I carriedthe tea back to the table and sat down, resting my elbows on the wood. The guilt settled over me again, heavier this time.
It hadn’t always been this way. When I’d found out I was pregnant, I’d convinced myself that keeping Enzo in the dark was the right choice. He’d been buried in medical school, barely keeping his head above water. I didn’t want to add another burden to his already impossible schedule.
And maybe I’d been scared, too. Scared he wouldn’t want her. Scared he wouldn’t want me.
I took a slow sip of tea, my throat tight.
But watching him with Ava now—seeing how effortlessly he connected with her, how much he cared—it made me questioneverything. Had I been protecting him? Or had I just been protecting myself?
Ava stirred on the couch,mumbling softly. I set my mug down and walked over, kneeling beside her.
“Mommy?” she murmured, her eyes still closed.
“I’m here, baby,” I said, brushing her curls back.
“Okay,” she whispered, clutching Bunny tighter.