Page 4 of Blue Collar Hotties

What the hell do I do now?

Without my big brother, without my family, without someone to visit for the holidays and someone to call and check in on just because? With this constant dull ache, gnawing at my ribs, and this void cracked open inside me? Seriously, what do I do?

I have all this love for him still. So much love, I’m drowning in it. I’m full to the brim with longing and anger and bitterness that Luis ever left me at all, that he had to go and be a hero and leave me behind, and god, I feel shitty for that.

So, yeah. I’m twenty two years old, and already a grief-ridden basket case. What the hell do I do now?

Apparently, my answer was: quit my job and leave my hometown behind. Pack up my things in my beat-up old car, and force the poor vehicle up those winding mountain paths until we gothere.

Here, where Luis and I spent all those summers. Here, where I thought maybe I could feel close to him again.

It didn’t work. I didn’t feel closer to my big brother, just lonelier than ever—until a few hours ago. Until Cade.

As soon as I realized he knew my brother, something knit together inside me. Even when I thought he was kicking me out of the lakehouse, I couldn’t help but feel so freakingglad.Here was this walking, talking evidence that Luis did exist; that he touched the wider world; that other people miss him too.

And Cade is grieving for my brother, that much is clear. It’s right there in the harsh lines on his face and the rigid set to his jaw. It’s in the gravelly tone of his voice and the way he winces whenever he says Luis’s name. He’s wound tight: a taut, knotted ball of hurt.

My kindred spirit.

I never want this man to leave.

That said, night falls before it really hits me what I’ve done: I’ve invited a strange man, someone I’ve never met before today, to stay in the cabin with me tonight. There are separate rooms, sure, a wall between my bedroom and the living space, but it’s stillsmall.We’re still firmly in each other’s space, and this is such a leap of trust.

I’m not scared, though. Not at all. Maybe it’s crazy, but even though Cade is a stranger to me, even though we’ve never met before today, some bone-deep instinct tells me I’m safe with this man.

He’s soothing. A balm for my raw, battered soul.

And honestly, once the sun sinks and animals cry out in the mountains, I’mgladhe’s here. With his strong muscles and calm demeanor, I’m more relaxed than I’ve been in a while, and though he tries to give me space after our simple dinner, I can’t help seeking him out on the deck. Being around him is such a rush, and I want another hit.

Cade has stretched out on the wooden boards, his arms pillowed beneath his head as he gazes up at the waxy moon. Hislong dark hair is tied back, and thick stubble shadows his jaw. Seeing his lithe, powerful body stretched out like that, at ease and utterly confident, it’s easy to imagine him making himself at home in any landscape. Mountains or desert or arctic wastes. Adapting to any challenge.

“You look comfy.”

Cade grins up at me in the darkness, starlight casting his features in a silvery glow. Those eyes look extra blue in this light. His biceps bulge from the way he’s folded his arms, and a tattoo wraps around one elbow, disappearing into the sleeve of his gray shirt. “I’ve slept in worse places, believe me.”

“Yeah, I bet.” My knees crack as I lower to sit cross-legged beside him, the wooden boards scraping at my bare legs. Even up in the mountains, it’s a warm night. Hot and sticky. “Will you tell me about it?”

It’s a big ask, I know—Luis was always so tight-lipped about his career. He’d sugarcoat everything when I asked him about it, not wanting to burden me with the ugly stuff, the inevitable harder things, until I just wanted to shake his shoulders and scream that he wasn’t fooling anyone.

I saw the shadows he brought home with him on leave. Isawthem.

But I’ve brought two beers out onto the deck with me tonight. An offering. Beads of condensation cling to the glass bottles, and it’s just as well, because my mouth goes dry every time I look at this man. My brother’s best friend.

Cade sits up with a deep sigh, taking a beer with quiet thanks. “You mean tell you about Luis?”

I lift one shoulder. “About all of it.”

Because sure, I want to hear every last scrap of information about my brother, probably over and over again until Cade’s sick of repeating it. But my curiosity goes a lot further than that when it comes to this man. I want to hear all abouthim, too.

The veteran tilts his head, considering me. Shadows seem to gather on one side of his neck, and I realize with a jolt that it’s because the skin is rough there. Warped and scarred. How did I not notice before?

“Some of them aren’t happy stories.”

I can’t help it: I let out a snort. “No kidding.”

Cade’s mouth twitches. And when he lifts his beer silently, I clink our bottles together, a warm, gooey sensation spreading through my insides before I’ve even had a single sip.

Because I know before he even begins to speak, his low voice rumbling beside the lake, that Cade won’t sugarcoat or dodge. He won’t spare me anything.

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