Page 35 of The Vampire and the Case of the Hellacious Hag

‘Well, if a hag bites or scratches you, you’ll get a terrible infection worse than you’d get from your little cat. Hags have nasty bugs on their teeth and nails.’ She sniffed. ‘Ican’t imagine living in all that dirt is very hygienic.’ She took a breath.

Before she could start again, I asked, ‘Is it true that they are immortal? Like, they can’t be killed?’

She was silent for a moment. ‘What are you contemplating?’ she asked guardedly.

‘It’s not me, it’s the dwarves. They want the hag gone, and with the death of one of their own they might be looking for a chance to get rid of her for good. Is that possible?’

‘I think it’d be easier to drive her off, but yes. Hags can be killed. It isn’t easy, but I’ve heard it has been done.’

‘How?’

I pictured her eyes narrowing because she sounded a little annoyed. ‘You use the opposite element.’ It felt like she wanted to add a ‘well duh’ to the end of the sentence.

I ignored that. ‘Pretend I’m a new supernatural. What is the opposite element to earth?’

‘Well, if the opposite of fire is water, what’s left?’ she asked, mocking me. She wasn’t a teacher, that was for sure.

‘Air?’

‘You’re brighter than I thought.’ Deadpan.

I stuck my tongue out at the phone. ‘Okay, so killing someone with air? That sounds impossible.’

‘It’s very difficult,’ sheagreed. ‘You’d almost certainly need an air elemental of equal strength to the hag. An air witch isn’t going to do the job.’

‘Is there an air elemental in town?’

‘I have no idea. They don’t announce themselves and you wouldn’t recognize one. I doubt the dwarves could, either.’

‘What do air elementals look like?’

‘Like the wind. They are largely incorporeal – they rarely take a physical form.’

‘Oh.’

‘Anyway, even if you could see them they’d look odd to you.’

‘Odd how?’

I could hear Liv’s annoyance. ‘Odd, only vaguely humanoid. Imagine a sort of humanish face, long flowing hair, antlers, clawed hands, white eyes made of shiny smoke – sort of iridescent, like a rainbow and an aurora had a baby.’

‘Got it, not human or remotely so. But I probably won’t ever see one.’

‘Exactly.’

I frowned. ‘So, how do you know what one looks like?’

This time I swear I heard her eyes roll. ‘Obviously,’ she started tightly, ‘someone has seen one and told someone else.’

I ignored that and her shitty tone. ‘Is there anything else you know that would help me understand the hag better?’

‘They think like the earth, they aren’t going to think like a human. If you can understand rock and dirt supporting all life, then you’ll be fine.’ She paused. ‘I’ve often thought you’re as dumb as a box of rocks, so fingers crossed you’ll be a natural.’

I sighed. ‘I let you in my home at Christmas,’ I pointed out. ‘No need to be a total bitch.’ The words snapped out of me before I could stop them. Oops.

‘You let me intoConnor’s home,’ she corrected, though her voice was a shade softer. ‘How’s Gunnar?’

‘Fine. Happy with Sigrid,’ I added pointedly. I decided to refocus on the case; the quicker we were done, the quicker I could stop speaking to the snarky necromancer. ‘What’s the best way to ask a hag for help?’

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