Page 20 of Essence of the Throne

Shaking my head and ignoring the tightness in my throat, I hand Ronan a few coppers for our meal and grab some tarts to-go. Caspian and I walk the short distance back to the castle in a comfortable silence, alone in our thoughts but surrounded by the company of one other.

He nods to those we pass in the dimly lit halls as we approach our rooms. I consider slitting his throat for asking me to give up one of my tarts, but surprisingly, that thought is just a fleeting thing before I give in.

I reluctantly allow myself a moment to think about how I’m going to miss this when I walk away—this easy, mundane company.

Just a moment before I empty my mind of the feelings and suppress the tingling under my skin. I mutter a goodnight to Caspian before tugging at my umbral strand and undoing the wards along my door.

It’s a pity that good things never last.

Chapter Six

Ariella

Iturn when Caspian calls for me, halting mid weave. His head tilts as he scrutinizes every inch of my body before his expression settles on something warily. “You weave wards, yeah?” He doesn’t wait for an answer before continuing. I’m unsure if he realizes the distance he’s closing between us as he idly steps forward. “So you possess the umbral strand…”

He speaks as if this is news to the both of us.

“I do not need a history lesson, prince. What is your point?”

“You use the absence of light—the shadows—to create them, do you not? Show me.”

I blink. “Show you what, exactly?” The click of his shoes stops, and his hands slide into the pockets of his pants. He watches me, not with his usual cocky smirk, but with warm eyes and a small tilt of his lips. As if I am something to be cherished instead of a product whose only value is to kill.

“Your shadows. Will you show me?”

“I—” I pause, unsure of how to answer that. See my shadows? I suppose sharing essence is not…uncommon; but aside from my parents, Caspian is the only person who knows I possess all three affinities. And even then, he has no idea that includes every single strand, as well.

But to show him my umbral strand?

I’ve never presented my forbidden essence toanyone. A brief ache in my chest points out the blatant lie. That circumstance was different from this one—I was dying from the griffin’s attack, not willingly giving him access to my most sacred secrets. I shift, crossing my arms as I look at anything but the prince.

The questionably rational, defensive part of me is desperate to lash out and deny everything he just said.

But there’s a fragile sliver of hope in my soul. A part of me that was lost the moment the life drained from my father’s body and soaked into the stone I now walk on. One that the prince—against my entire will—has exposed and nurtured until it was just bright enough for me to notice.

The part of me I ache to feed after having repressed every fucking bit of it for twenty years.

I want to show him my shadows—show him all the essence I possess. Thethoughtof just sharing that secret with someone, with him, is already relieving in a way I didn’t know I could feel. An ache forms behind my eyes as the steel walls just under my skin retract a little more—an instinctual response to such feelings.

How could I even think about sharing this with him?

Especially after the years Marek spent training me to be the best and most secretive; he’s never truly known about my essence, but he’s far more intelligent than even I give him credit for. Heknows. And after my mother and father begged me to keep such thingshidden, dying for what I can only assume is the very thing Caspian is asking to see.

Fucking Angel, the air surrounding me has become significantly heavier.

I haven’t warred with such…feelingsin so long that I’m unsure of what to do. I’m frozen, stuck in a loop of right and wrong.

But is it truly so wrong? To crave for justoneAngel-damned person to carry some of the weight that’s been clinging to my shoulders for years? And is it wrong if I want it to be him?

No, it’s not.

At least that’s what I tell myself before allowing the brittle ‘okay’ slip through my lips.

I lead him into his room and remove my boots before crawling to the middle of his bed and sitting with my legs crossed. I nod my chin in front of me, directing him to mimic my position.

This goes against everything I’ve ever known. And yet…

Fuck it.

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