Page 71 of My Spanish Love Affair

There’s a pause on the other end of the phone, and the quiet has me feeling immediately guilty.

“Shit, I’m… Santi, I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out. I need some time to process this,” I tell him, my chest tight. “A… a little space, okay?”

He hesitates before he answers. “If that’s what you need, Olivia, then… of course. I understand. But I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, and I end the call before I can second-guess myself.

I continue to pace the length of my apartment with my phone clutched tightly in my hand. I’m not quite sure what to do with myself, and after a few minutes of repeating the same steps over and over, I give in to my instincts and pull up Laura’s contact.

I press the video call button, and relief washes over me as Laura’s face appears after a few rings, her bright smile lighting up the screen.

Clearly, she’s clueless.

I can only hope that means the news hasn’t - andwon’t- reach anyone at home.

“Liv! How’s sunny Spain treating you? You look... wait, what’s wrong?”

Her smile drops the moment she really looks at my face. I try to speak, but all that comes out is a shaky breath.

I swipe at my eyes, swallowing hard. I knew that this would happen: I knew I would be able to keep it together until I spoke to her.

I just about manage to croak, “It’s everywhere, Laura.”

“What is?” she asks, concern evident in her tone.

“My face. My life.Everything.” I force myself to take a deep breath. “I’m all over these bastard Spanish gossip sites. There are photos of me at Santi’s match -clearphotos - and now everyone’s speculating about us.”

Laura’s mouth falls open. “Wait,what? You’re in the tabloids?”

I nod, my throat tightening again.

“Yeah. I don’t know how they figured it out, but they know we’re dating. They’re calling me hismystery womanand asking anyone who knows me to give them my name, no doubt so that they can over-analyse every detail of my entire life - as if they have any right to.Ugh,” I groan, sniffling pathetically before I continue. “Someone at the stadium must have leaked it. And now everyone here knows. Including all of my students.”

My lip wobbles, and I can’t fight the tears from falling down my face.

“Oh, Liv,” Laura says softly, her eyes full of sympathy. “I’m so sorry, I’m - I don’t know what to say. That’s fuckingawful.”

“It’s more than awful,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “I feel sostupid.I was humiliated today, Laura. I’ve been completely exposed, and now all of my students know. What are their parents going to say?! Oh, god - what is mybossgoing to say?!”

I know that I’m spiralling now, but I can’t help it. My mind is in overdrive, and anxiety is taking over me.

“I thought I could handle being with someone like Santi, but I can’t,” I confess. “I thought I was braver. Stronger. But this is only the beginning, and I just - I can’t do it. I’m not any of those things, and I can’t do this”

“Hey, hey,stop that,” Laura says firmly. “Don’t you dare start doubting yourself like that. Youarebrave. Youarestrong. Do you hear me?”

“No, I’m not!” I cry, the words spilling out in a rush. “I can’t do it, Laura. I’m so serious right now. I’m overwhelmed. My anxiety’s come back worse than ever. I feel like I can’t breathe, like I’mdrowning. And the worst part is, Ichosethis. I walked into it thinking I could handle it, but I was wrong.Sowrong.”

Laura lets me finish, her face calm but serious. “Liv, I wantyou to listen to me for a moment, okay? You areallowedto feel overwhelmed. You’reallowedto be scared and anxious and upset. That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.”

I shake my head, fresh tears streaming down my face. “I just… I feel like everything is ruined now,” I tell her. “I was building something here. And yeah, it might have been temporary, but it was a fresh start, and it wasmine.But now it feels like it’s all falling apart - like the rug’s been pulled out from right under me, and… Oh, god. I’m not cut out for this.”

Laura’s voice softens, but there’s still a firmness in her tone. “But the thing is, you’vealreadydone the hard stuff,” she says. “You left behind a life that wasn’t right for you. You moved to another country, started over from scratch, and found a way to thrive. You’ve proven how strong you are over and over again. And I appreciate that this isn’t a nice situation for you to be in - that it’s a total invasion of your privacy, that it feels violating, and that it’s wrong. I get that. But you’ve done so much, and you’ve done so well. You can’t let this be the thing that rattles you.”

“This feels different,” I say. “This feels...bigger.”

“Of course it feels bigger,” she says. “It’s bigger because you care. About Santi, about what you’re building together. About your students and your professional reputation. You’re a loving, caring person; and you wouldn’t feel this overwhelmed if those things - thosepeople- didn’t matter to you. But that doesn’t mean you’re not capable of handling it. It just means you’re facing something new.”

I bite my lip, her words sinking in but not quite settling the storm inside me.

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