Page 35 of Cruel Devotion

“I wouldn’t waste my time trying to decide who is more difficult,” she said plainly.

“Because you wouldn’t want to waste any time on me?” I asked.

She stopped, staring me down. I couldn’t escape the thought that she was searching my face for something, too inquisitive and curious, but she lowered her gaze again. I wasn’t sure what was worse, the intense burn of her green stare on my eyes, so probing, or her focus on my mouth so that I wanted to…

I sighed.

“I am wasting my time on you right now,” she admitted.

“You didn’t have time for me earlier today. In the food court.”

“Because I’m not that stupid,” she quipped. “You think you’ll fool me with a sudden urge to stand up for me? After years of trying to bully me and make my life hell? Yeah, right.”

“People can change.” Although, she hadn’t. She still had a good heart despite all the bullying.

“Sure. Of course, they can.” She sat back and dropped the tissue on the table. “But I doubtyouwould.”

“Isn’t that kind of harsh?” I asked, worrying she’d never bend and warm up to me. The hopes of getting her to that dance seemed to fade. I was fucked if she couldn’t ease up on me.

“No, not really.” She began getting her things together and stowing them in her bag. “It’s called self-preservation. I won’t let you hurt me, not anymore.”

“What if I don’t want to hurt you anymore?”

She rolled her eyes. “Right. And I’m supposed to believe this miracle of a one-eighty is just natural?”

“People can change,” I reminded her.

She looked me dead in the eye. “Fine. Then change. It’s still too little, too late.” With her things in her bag, she stood to put her coat on.

“That’s not true.” I got to my feet, not wanting her to leave yet. This had to be progress. We were… talking. I wasn’t putting on an act. She was almost willing to listen. As rocky as it was, this was a civil conversation.

“It is.” She tugged on her coat, adjusting it to cover her body completely. “Because I’m too close to getting out of here to care. Come May, after graduation, I’m gone.”

“Me too.” I couldn’t wait until I could find a job somewhere far from my parents.

“Good for you.” She slung her bag on. “But it won’t change the fact thatgood riddanceis all I’ll have for you then.”

She picked up both stacks of books, piling them into one. I put my hand on the top one to pause her from walking off and returning them to the shelves. “But until then?” I asked.

Desperation clung to my words, but I hoped she didn’t detect it.

I had to get her to warm up to me so she’d go to that dance. We had to become something like friends to pull that off. She made it sound like she had a countdown started for when I’d be out of her life for good.

I was desperate to pull off Preston’s dare.

But I hated the possibility that I was desperate for her to not cut me out of her life either. Not yet. She’d always been there in the background, and it felt weird, the idea that one day, she wouldn’t be.

“Until then, what?” she asked.

“We could be…” I gestured at the table, where we’d both let down our guard a bit. “We could be civil.”

She looked me up and down. “I’m not going to hold my breath and get my hopes up high.” With a quick step back, she made me drop my hand from her books. “I’m not sure you know how to be anything but a bully.”

Wanna bet?

I didn’t have a choice.

I had to convince her to give me a chance. I needed her to open up to me.

---