Page 60 of Cruel Devotion

He chuckled lightly. “Keeping tabs on me too?”

“Only because I couldn’tnotnotice you.”

“And admire me from afar?” he teased before kissing me.

“Reluctantly,” I admitted, just as playfully. I really did have a crush on him all those years since we were friends as kids. But it was only when I saw him hurt at the library that I allowed myself to embrace that attraction. “You’re not a slacker, Eli.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“You go at your own pace. That’s all.”

“And it never helped that I wasn’t allowed to be tested for dyslexia. Or know how to cope with that.” He rubbed my arm as he set his phone down and relaxed with me. “They always used that as a reason for why they hawked on me about grades. Because they thought I was just all brawn and no brain.”

“That’s not true,” I protested.

“I hope not. But they didn’t want to even consider that I could have an obstacle from being on the same grade scale as everyone else.”

“What will happen now, with your skipping class?”

“I don’t know. They’ll be more pissed that I’m here and not even on campus.”

“They came here yesterday.”

He stiffened, furrowing his brow as he watched me. “What?”

I nodded. “They came to warn me away from you. That they don’t approve of my being with you. And since Iwasn’twith you, I told them to leave. They had no grounds to talk to me like that.”

But now they will.I was lying naked in my bed with their son.

“I know I’m forbidden. I’m the black sheep in Marsten. I’m not good enough, but?—”

He kissed me quiet, and like every time he put his lips on me, I drowned under the desire to reply in kind.

“Don’t talk like that. Good enough?” He huffed once. “I’m not good enough foryouafter the bullshit I’ve pulled.”

I was too scared to be any more vulnerable than I already was. If we wanted to argue about who was good enough for the other, it would push me closer to admitting my feelings for him. After the roller coaster of ups and downs from that dance and learning about his dare, I knew that I was falling too far and too deep for him.

“I regret that I’ve wasted so much time bullying you and keeping you away.” He rolled so he lay over me, blanketing me with his body heat. His weight secured me, and I never wanted to lose this sensation, this complete, whole feeling of belonging under him and with him, like nothing could penetrate this bubble of peace and affection we’d dared to find.

“Why did you?” I stroked my hand over his jaw since I already knew he liked it so much. “Why did you go from being my childhood friend to being Mr. Popular, too cool and prone to bullying?”

“Because I wanted love. I wanted to get someone’s approval.” He leaned into my touch, seeking the comfort. “When I realized my parents would never love me, when I understood I would never be good enough for them, I wanted to find it somewhere else.”

“So you became the center of attention.”

He nodded.

“And to be so well-liked and popular, you had to cast me aside since I was the butt of all jokes.”

He nodded again, frowning.

“If only we could have understood each other back then like we do now,” I said softly.

I would have loved him. I would have given him the affection he’d been missing from the people who should’ve cared about him the most.

“I’ll never stop being sorry,” he said. “But for the rest of the time that I can, I intend to show you how much you matter.” He sealed it with a kiss. “How much I want you.” Another kiss. “How much I want to hold you tight and never let go.” One last kiss, a longer and deeper one that led to making love again.

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