Page 57 of Cruel Devotion

“Thanks,” I said, entering. Finn would leave now, and if she ended up kicking me out in another minute, then I’d be walking.

“I’m sorry that I took that dare.”

She crossed her arms and stood near the fireplace that wasn’t lit. “Sorry that you took it or sorry that I found out the way I did?”

“I wanted to tell you, by the way. Before that night. I wanted to just tell you all of it and take my chances that you wouldn’t hate me.”

She shifted her arms so she’d hug herself instead. “Why didn’t you?”

“Because I didn’t want to fuck it up and lose you.”

She raised her brows as if to suggest I had.

“I’m sorry I took that dare. I’m sorry you found out the way you did. And I’m sorry I didn’t just come clean about it earlier.”

She licked her lips, lowering her gaze. “What was it for? Was it worth it?”

I shook my head, stepping toward her but backing up just as quickly. I had to go by her cues, not how badly I wanted to hold her—for my comfort and hers.

“No. It wasn’t.” I drew a deep breath and started from the beginning. I reminded her of how I’d gotten into college at all, with that scholarship, that Mr. West was the chair of the committee that granted it. Then I explained what happened at that party, about the car, Drake hitting the gear shifter, and Preston wanting to manipulate the situation. I laid out the terms of the dare. I pointed out how I’d tried to befriend her.

“But I didn’t count on how much I would care about you. How much you would matter to me. I won’t apologize for wanting you, Haley. I never will. And I want you to know that I truly care. And I do respect you. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t manipulate you into having sex with me at that stupid fucking dance. I wanted it to be special. I wanted to make sure you thought I was worthy of being your first.”

I’d been talking for so long that I paced. All the while, she watched me and listened, not butting in.

Now that I was finished and she knew it all, I waited, tense and at her mercy, for a reaction.

“Let me get this straight.” She lowered her arms and drummed her fingers against her thighs. “Preston was blackmailing you with your scholarship and chances to graduate—literally your whole future—and all you had to do was sleep with me at that dance?”

I furrowed my brow. “That’s notall. Don’t make it sound like it was some little?—”

She approached me slowly, holding her hand up. “You had to choose between your future and me.”

I opened and closed my mouth, stumped that she’d summarize it so bluntly. “No. Yes? I mean, no. The way I saw it, I did finish the dare. I’d just take you into that room long enough for him to assume we’d done it. I had no clue he’d be there to watch—or video—it.”

She stood within my reach, just a foot between us. “And you still would choose to not have sex with me, then—at the cost of your scholarship and graduation?”

I frowned and nodded. “Yeah. You were there. I didn’t make a move when we were in that room. I hoped he would never know. And you would never know. And…” I shook my head. “Which is wrong. I should have told you from the beginning.”

“But still.” She exhaled a long breath. “You chose me.”

I reached out for her hand but dropped it. “I am still choosing you.”

She jerked her face up and pierced me with a hard look. “I’m still mad.”

“I counted on that.”

“I’m still hurt that you’d do this.”

“I counted on that too.”

She licked her lips. “And I still hate you.”

“Also expected.”

She inched toward me again, as if she couldn’t physically bear the distance. “But?—”

“Oh, thank fuck.” I hauled her to me and kissed her hard. Pouring all my desperation and heartache into this intimate touch, I stole her breath and swallowed down the moans she gave me as soon as we collided.

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