Page 53 of Cruel Devotion

“It wasn’t an act!” He reached for my hand, but I yanked it out of his grasp.

“Fuck you, Eli. And take it to heart that I sincerely mean it when I say I hate you.”

With that last word, I turned and left. He didn’t chase after me, and even if he did, I would’ve run faster.

“I knew it. I fucking knew it,” I muttered to myself as I stormed out of there.

I no longer cared who saw me. They’d all pointed and looked, gossiped and watched. All these people witnessed my being here as Eli’s date, and now they could have another show as I left alone.

I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to shake my head and deny that he’d played me—or almost tried to play me.

He didn’t care.

He never had.

It was all a fucking dare.

I ran to the coat check and got my coat. Since I was leaving so early, there was no line. Within a couple more minutes that felt like forever, I had my keys out of my pocket and I was sprinting outside. Not bothering to put my coat on, so hot with anger that I didn’t need it anyway, I got into Aunt Cindy’s rusty minivan, put it into gear, and drove away as fast as I could.

ThenI let the tears fall. With no one to see and not a soul to watch me at my worst, I let it all out as I drove home.

Scalding hot tears streamed over my cheeks, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away.

Ithurt. More than any tease or taunt, more than all the jokes and pranks and accusations.

This time, it ached deep in my chest because I’d so badly wanted to believe him. I’d been so desperate for something real and true that I dismissed my concerns for too long.

My anger and sorrow swarmed in my mind, making the entire way home nothing but a blur. Once I arrived, I stayed as quiet as possible while I got inside and headed up to my room. Aunt Cindy didn’t need to see me like this. No one did. She slept through my return, likely getting a solid night of sleep with a sleeping aid for the first time in a long while.

Aiming for my bathroom, I zoned out and kept my thoughts as blank as possible. If I allowed myself to think, the fury and sadness would consume me. Instead, I stripped out of my dress and stood in the shower stall to take a long shower of the hottest water I could allow.

If only I could rinse the night away. If only I could go back in time and tell Eli to fuck off the first time he spoke to me. If only I could erase that night I’d helped him with his injuries and started to care.

Because he doesn’t care about me.

That was a fact now, and the harder I tried to avoid letting that thought take root in my mind, the calmer I felt.

Pink and raw from my shower, I trudged to bed and flopped down on the mattress. Spent and worn ragged from the emotional roller coaster of the night, I dropped into an instant sleep, fortunately free ofhim.

In the morning, I woke with puffy eyes from crying and a lingering headache from all the stress. Even in sleep, my mind hadn’t really calmed. I was greeting the sun with a sour mood and a dejected attitude.

I saw no reason to even get up.

Aunt Cindy had already left for a girls’ trip with someone she used to work with. She didn’t go out often, but this weekend was her little outing. Since I didn’t have classes over the weekend, I wouldn’t need to go anywhere and she could have the minivan all night and into tomorrow. Even if I had someplace to go, I wouldn’t, not with how horrible I had to look. If I looked as awful as I felt, I’d be in for a shock when I faced a mirror.

After I got up and made myself some coffee, I let all the memories of last night crash through me. Reliving the emotions riled me up all over again, and I dropped my head to my arms folded on the table.

My stomach twisted from all the stress, and I cringed at having to go back to school and face Eli again.

I’d been hanging on to the mantra of ignoring the hard stuff and toughing it out until graduation. Well, now I had more hardships to endure to get there.

I sat up when my neck began to ache from this position, and I idly reached for my phone. I put it on silent last night, and I checked the text and call log.

Eli hadn’t contacted me once. No call or voicemail. Zero texts.

Nothing.

Plenty of texts, missed calls, and voicemails were waiting for me from Davina. I assumed that meant she knew. But I didn’t have the energy to talk to her yet.

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