Page 13 of Cruel Devotion

I patted her hand, wishing I could ease her suffering. Before her fibromyalgia got so bad that she couldn’t work, Aunt Cindy had loved her job at the daycare center. She had always enjoyed being around little kids, and she was right. Little Grayson was growing up so fast, we missed out on being there when he was small.

I wish she could leave with me after graduation.This house was hers, though, and if she moved, she’d need to pay rent.

“Is your head bothering you again?” I asked when she rubbed her brow.

“One of those damn migraines,” she complained. “I’m fifty! How can I still be getting PMS?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Only you wouldwantmenopause to hit.”

“Oh…” She wagged her finger at me as I got up. “Just you wait. Just you wait, Haley. You go through a lifetime of periods and PMS and you’ll beg for it to be over when you’re my age too.”

“How about I go get you some of that ice cream you like?” I offered, going to get my coat hanging on the coat tree.

“Now?” She frowned, looking at the time.

I shrugged. “Yeah. I don’t have homework.”

“But you do have classes tomorrow morning.”

I shrugged again. “Notthatearly. Besides, I’m bored.”

“I thought you said you were antsy.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

She reached for the minivan keys on the coffee table, but I held my hand up. “Nah. I’ll walk.”

“Inthisweather?”

I smiled. “Sure. I think a walk would do me good.”

“If you’re positive…”

“It’s nothing.” I shot her a smile, truly appreciating that she was here for me, even if she could often nag and be a grump.

“Well, thanks, then, Haley. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not a sweetheart.”

I set out to get her “secret” cure. There was no science that caramel truffle Moose Tracks ice cream would help a headache, but she swore by it. If it was a case of “mind over matter”, then who was I to argue her logic?

Walking from the house, I peered at the still nighttime scenery, glad for the snow. It wasn’t actively snowing, which would’ve made for a messier route, but the utter quiet of the earth insulated by inches of snow and ice made me feel like it was just me.

One speck on this planet.

One dot in the universe.

Those big-picture ideas intimidated some people, but when I was morose and reflective, like I was tonight, it helped to put my existence into perspective. When it came down to it, we were all just people. All of us humans. All here the same, in the beginning of the end. Clinging to that fact gave me a boost of confidence when I had to remember that no bully was ever “better” than me.

Closer to town, I spotted some classmates standing around the twenty-four-hour diner that made the specialty ice cream my aunt enjoyed. Three girls and two guys loitered on the steps in front of the diner, and I mentally prepared myself to keep my head down. To avoid them. Just walk in and out and not acknowledge them at all.

As I climbed the steps, they of course took the bait to pounce.

“Oh, look. There goes the whore’s daughter,” one said.

“No wondershe’sstill in town. Of all the Feldstones, she’s too ugly to fuck anyone around here.”

“I don’t know. Put a bag over her head and I’d bang that.” The guy who said that cupped his junk and cracked up.

Fuck you.

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