Page 18 of A Beautiful Crime

I guess I can only be grateful that she’s not alive to see her little angel fall from the heavens and be dragged down by her wings to Hell.

Yet still, I can’t help but feel the deep ache that flares in my heart when I allow myself to think of her.

She was the light of my life, perhaps the only truest light I have ever known. Everyone else was fluorescent while mamma was the sun.

On the rare occasions where I drink myself into a splendor my mind opens Pandora’s box and asks the questions that haunt me. If mamma was still alive would I still have my innocence? Would I be someone completely different? Or has the poison of The City of Death been in me all along and mamma was my only antidote?

But it is best not to question such life altering matters.

This is who I am now.

“He hasn’t given us an answer yet, Luca,” I hear papa say in that soft tone that kills right outside of his office.

I come to a stop against my better judgement, and I keep myself hidden by outside of the door to further hear the conversation.

Luca sighs heavily. If I were there myself I would see he’s more than likely tapping his index finger against his chin. “It was just last night. Perhaps he needs more time.”

Papa scoffs but even that emotion isn’t harsh. “What more time does he need? I offered him Carina on a silver platter. He would be a fool not to take her. Was she not presentable?”

If I could feel anything at all I would feel sick by papa’s words, but I’ve learned too quickly to desensitize myself from emotion.

My rebirth hadn’t only drained the blood of my innocence, it snatched my humanity, too.

“You know, Carina,” he says flippantly. “She could have smiled more and there was tension when she was dancing with Constantine.”

None of that had to be relayed to papa but Luca wants him to know in the areas that I have failed.

With my failures the light in papa’s eyes diminish for me and shine more for him.

And I also haven’t forgotten Luca’s threat last night.

With my dancing on the line of disrespect, in a public space no less, I know his hand has been twitching to give me another lashing. Telling papa of my failures will give him a reason for me to receive one.

“Mio dio,” papa breathes thinly. “Did you stress to her the importance of this marriage?”

“Of course I did,” Luca responds stiffly.

“Then if you had then why hasn’t Constantine given me an answer?”

“Perhaps he wants a different woman. Maybe he didn’t find Carina to his standards.”

I roll my eyes so hard that it hurts my head.

That is the furthest thing from the truth.

Yes, there might have been tension on the dance floor between us but anyone with two eyes could tell that Constantine liked what he saw.

Even I have to admit that the Devil is quite handsome.

“I’m not asking him to be faithful, Luca. I’m asking him to marry her for the sake of a partnership between the two families.”

My marriage and the future that lies ahead of me at the hands of the Devil of the East Coast is nothing but a business transaction.

All for a partnership.

I’m surprised papa even wants to share the throne with Constantine.

There must be more, something papa is hiding from both Luca and I.

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