I refuse once again.
“Carina,” my name pours softly from his lips, caressing me, awakening me, tethering me to him without my say. And I cast my eyes upon his. “I will say this to you once and only once, do you understand?” I immediately take note of how he doesn’t speak in his native tongue. It’s as if he’s telling me I’m different from his soldiers, his capos and adversaries. He waits for me to nod and I notice how that’s different, too. I nod my head and he says, “You will bow your head to no one. Including me.”
And with every breath I take, the hatred fills my lungs, when it comes time to release, so does the hatred, little by little.
Perhaps my perception is changing.
But even I know that’s a lie.
It isn’t my perception changing. No, it’s something much more terrifying.
And, so, I stare back at him with a blank face, but those damn flutters I’ve never perished return with a vengeance.
And my heart?
My heart beats for him.
CHAPTER 17
Constantine
“She seems to have acclimated here quite well,” Rico informs me in his nonchalant tone, already bored with the topic.
It has only been two weeks since Carina has come into our home. She doesn’t see it as home yet, but she will. If only she would stop fighting herself and let her darker side give in.
And as much as I could coerce her, I want her to fall herself, and trust me to catch her.
Even in the little span of time of her living here I can’t imagine the space without her. She’s breathed life into these walls. She’s breathed new life into me. And for a man who is surrounded by death, life is so very precious.
Which is why I’ll never stop making her feel alive.
Every sharp intake of breath, each glare of her eyes, the goosebumps that appear across her flesh, and the desire she denies, all of it is the precious life finally returning inside her.
Dio mio, what a sight it is to behold.
“In her heart she knows her place is here, Rico,” I tell him confidently.
He regards me impassively. “Her heart means nothing if it battles with her mind.”
While I respect Rico and trust his judgment even more, there are times, especially now, where it concerns my Carina, I have to restrain myself from wanting to shoot him.
He sighs, an act he’s seen of mine that he’s adopted to feign exasperation. Even I can admit it’s unnerving. How well the man can emote when he’s never experienced emotion. “She will never accept you if she can’t accept herself.”
And as much as I want to throttle Rico I know this to be true.
The war Carina has wagered upon herself is the one war I can not win.
My efforts do remain, and they will not be for naught.
Smirking at Rico I respond, “What is the Devil without temptation?”
He challenges, “And what is temptation to resistance?”
I raise my glass tumbler to him. The dark liquid of bourbon sloshing as I toast to him, “Touché.” Snapping back the drink I swallow the remainder in one smooth go.
The only burn within me is the one Carina created years before she knew of my existence. A burn which had never dissipated but grew and grew, and will continue to do so until it engulfs me.
And I am not too far off from being inflamed. All it will take is her acceptance. Her hand in mine, her eyes gazing into mine with love and not hatred. Only then will I truly be engulfed by her.