Page 154 of A Beautiful Crime

Time stands still as the revelation strikes me like a lash.

Tears pool in his eyes. My papa’s eyes.

And after the burn of the lash dissipates the sting of betrayal sits heavy and bitter on my tongue.

“How could you allow another man to treat me so cruelly?” He winces but I am far from caring how he feels. “How could you sit back and watch as my brother,” I correct myself, “step brother abused me?” Tears fall as his face twists with anguish but it’s not enough. It’s not nearly enough. “You could have protected me and yet you allowed it to happen!”

“You think I don’t know that?!” He cries out in agony. His shoulders slump with defeat, body ragged with despair. “I know I failed you, Carina. And the worst part is this is only part of my confession.”

“What makes you think I want to hear any more of what you have to say?”

“Because this involves your mamma. This involves her death.”

I bristle, “There is no confession to be made. Mamma committed suicide. And while papa didn’t force upon her the pills his actions caused her to swallow them.”

He takes a step towards me and I take one back. He stops, looking as if I slapped him. “Your mamma did not commit suicide.”

I scoff. “I saw the death certificate. The empty bottle of pills. Her body slumped in the tub. You’re wrong.”

But I know before he even explains he’s telling the truth. Because mamma’s death never quite sat well with me. Her practice and devotion to the Catholic religion would never allow her to commit suicide. Mamma wanted to be greeted in paradise, not Hell.

“You saw what Savio wanted you to see. Savio has always been a sly creature. And he was no different when it came time to stage the death of his wife.”

He’s always been controlling the lens. Even after my re-birth when I had thought I had seen the true ugliness of this world I was still foolishly naive. Because I could have never imagined anything as sinister as this.

Giuseppe takes my silence as cue to continue. “He had found out about the affair and knew you weren’t his daughter. You know in this world what betrayal brings.”

“Death.”

“Si, and he had his own son deliver the punishment of her crime.”

“Having an affair is not a crime worth death,” I say heatedly. “Nor is her falling pregnant and deciding to keep me.”

He nods his head. “I agree la mia forte bell-”

I raise my hand in the air to silence him. His mouth snaps shut. My eyes harden as so does my voice. “You will never call me by that way again. Do you understand?”

Crestfallen he murmurs, “I suppose I deserve that.” I swallow the lump in my throat. My emotions toy with me, causing an ache in my heart and a churning in my stomach. “Her death was by strangulation. Savio ordered Elio to kill her. And he was happy to after learning of the affair. Savio had corrupted his mind. There was no trying to talk sense to him. He had his re-birth. He thought himself a man. And it kept him in good graces with Savio as his Don. A good soldier extracting out orders with no hesitation.”

Thinking of mamma’s death as just another kill ordered by Savio sickens me. Her death meant nothing to him. Nor did it mean anything to Elio or Luca. She was just another faceless body in the trail of bodies they have behind them.

And to think of all those years I had spent harboring a guilt for killing Elio.

I was so innocent. Naive.

If he were to rise from the dead I would kill him again. Except this time I would relish his blood splatter across my face. And I would do one more by dancing upon his grave.

And if I am not to avenge myself for the punishment and abuse Savio had inflicted upon me I will avenge my mamma.

If there was a slither of a chance for his survival there is now none.

“Why was death not your punishment for betrayal?”

His eyes fleet around the room anxiously. But if he is about to deliver another confession he will face me like a man and not a coward.

“Eyes on me, Giuseppe,” I command. He obeys and I’m greeted with torment. “You will tell me why you were spared.”

I see the regret in his eyes before he speaks. “After Elio had killed your mamma my punishment was to help him stage the body as a suicide and to live a life knowing I had failed you and the love of my life.”

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