Page 86 of A Love Like Venom

"You want her forgiveness. I'm sure part of you would feel better if she gave that to you but you can't expect that from her. And you can profusely apologize and beg on your hands and knees but pressuring her to forgive you is something that you can not do. That's her choice, Snake. It's not up to you. It's up to her. So, I'm telling you don't pressure her. Let her feel what she wants for however long she wants," he advises me sternly.

Righting my shoulders with a clenched jaw I reply, "I wouldn't do that."

He offers me a small smile before nodding his head. "I didn't think you would."

"Then why tell me that?"

Raising his brows as he blows out a breath he responds, "These days I can't get a read on you. Not saying that I ever could but ever since Alice came back in your life it's become more difficult to understand you."

I swallow, the lump forming in my throat foreign bringing discomfort. Inside my stomach churns as remorse sits heavy on my chest. "Fuck. I never-"

Oak doesn't let me finish my attempt of an apology. "But I understand what you're wrestling on the inside. Trying to figure out who you really are. It's the same battle I've been fighting since I came back."

"Do you think we will ever find out?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't found out yet and it's been years," he sighs almost hopelessly. "But I'm starting to think we can't bewho we used to be. I can't be the man before war, and you can't be the man she once knew."

"If I can't be that man again then what am I supposed to do? I was her savior once, Oak. I have to be that person again," desperately I tell him.

He considers my words before replying, "But you can always be better. That man you were before still doubted her even when she saw you as her savior. Don't be that man again. Be someone that's better."

Someone better.

I'm struggling with who I am right now. With the man that I've become. Wanting to be the person that I was before. When someone believed that I was good.

How can I be better when I was my best self when I was with her?

Or at least that's what I have always thought. But that can't be true, can it? It can't be true when even when I was with her, I knew I had this darkness inside me.

"Do you ever take your own advice?" I ask Oak half laughing, hoping to bring levity to the conversation.

He chokes out a laugh. "I think I'm better at giving it rather than receiving."

Not being able to help it because he basically set up the perfect trap I quip, "Oh I bet a big boy like you would feel that way."

Immediately his arm shoots out to punch me playfully on the chest. The impact still lands hard although there is no real power behind it. "Shut the fuck up and get your girl."

"Thanks Oak."

Waving his hand in the air he dismisses it like it isn't a big deal when the both of us know it is. There's hardly any time when we both talk shit out rather than going straight to the matspounding our fists. "Don't mention it. Stay alert, alright? Can't be comfortable around those fuckers."

"They are going to wish they never met me," I promise.

Oak cracks a smile. "Trust me Snake, they have no clue what's coming to them." His voice turns dark. With a wicked glint in his eyes, he nods his head at me and then walks away.

Before I make my exit, I decide to go back to my room to retrieve a few items. One, being my precious Glock. Two, a few of my favorite knives. Lastly, my cut that hangs proudly on the back of my door. I was too in a rush earlier to put it on.

When I leave my room with all my items intact, Sticks blocks my path.

He stands tall with his arms crossed and his eyes focused on mine. There isn't much I can read on his face. When Sticks is in poker mode that means anything is bound to come out of his mouth.

I respect him not just because he's my President but because he's honestly a good fucking man. He's loyal to his family, treats everyone with respect and holds his Old Lady (his wife, too) to the highest regard. The man has strong work ethics and high morals but isn't afraid to break the law when need be.

Sticks is the type of man you aspire to be.

Sticks is the type of man I wish my father was.

"I take it you're leaving again," he says to me lowly.

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