Page 218 of A Love Like Venom

She smiles at me. “Good. Now let me go get a nurse so I can wheel you to see him.”

No sooner than she clears everything with the nurse I’m in a wheelchair with a portable breathing machine. My lungs aren’t at their strongest yet and they won’t be for some time.

I’m just thankful that I was given the okay to see him.

The closer I get to him the more I can start to feel pieces of me coming back.

Once we reach the outside of his hospital room Grace stops and gives me a look of warning. “Slater is in there. He hasn’t left his hospital room. Not once.”

“He feels guilty,” I state.

She nods her head. “We all have told him countless times that it isn’t his fault but he doesn’t want to hear it.”

Poor Slater. None of this was his doing.

“Listen,” she begins hesitantly, “I don’t know how you feel about it but-”

“I don’t blame him, Grace. Not at all.” And I mean that completely. Slater tried to save Reed and he almost ended up dying because of it. If anything I see Slater as a true loyal friend. Someone who is heroic.

“I didn’t think you would. You’re too good of a person to lay the blame on an innocent.” I stay quiet after that. Because I don’thave the heart to tell her the only person anyone should blame is me.

She opens the door and then wheels me inside.

The first thing is Slater slumped in the chair in the far off corner. His piercing blue eyes are tinged with red and droopy but he doesn’t let them fall. Scruff coats his usually clean face. He’s exhausted. He’s also stricken with guilt and battling sorrow.

At the sound of the door closing his head comes up slowly. When he finally looks at me I see everything that he is feeling. And it’s a massive punch to the gut. He quickly looks away not able to keep eye contact.

As Grace wheels me further in the room I finally see him.

A whimper leaves my mouth before I can stop it. I clamp my hand over my lips as more try to escape.

He lays on the hospital bed completely still, too still. A ventilator is hooked through his throat. An IV is inserted in the vein at his inner elbow. A blood pressure cuff is on his other arm. His entire body is wrapped in bandages. Discoloration and swelling make his face almost unrecognizable.

“Reed,” I breathe his name on a heartbreaking whisper.

All the pain I felt before is nothing compared to what I am feeling right now.

Because the other half of me is fighting for his life and I’ll never be whole if he doesn’t win.

Grace pulls me up until I’m at his bedside. My hand shakes as I go to rest it upon his. Gently I lay my hand on top of his bandaged one. He’s not as warm as he used to be but his hand is still the same. I can feel the rough texture that is familiar. And when my other hand comes to rest underneath his I can still feel the calluses on his palm.

My heads bows as I release another cry.

How am I ever going to survive this?

The soft shuffling of feet has my head turning toward the sound. Looking up I see that Slater has taken spot on the other side of the bed. But he isn’t looking at me, he’s looking at Reed. “I’m sorry, Alice.” His voice is rough. “I should’ve tried harder.”

“This isn’t on you, Slater,” I tell him softly. My words cause him to stiffen. Still I go on. “I don’t blame you and he wouldn’t either. You are not to blame.”

His face crumbles and a tear falls down his cheek. “I could’ve done so much more,” he says regretfully.

“Slater, look at me.” He shakes his head. “Slater, please. Look at me.” He squeezes his eyes shut and then finally looks at me. I hold his stare and tell him with conviction, “You did all that you could. You did your best and that’s all anyone can ask for. You didn’t fail him. He’s not here because of you. You are not to blame.”

“You honestly believe that?”

I nod my head. “I do.”

He nods his head in return. Then he swallows thickly. “I’ll uh . . . I’ll give you some time with him.”

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