Page 213 of A Love Like Venom

The pressure becomes too much in my chest and I am forced to exhale.

I slowly blink my eyes open and when I do all I see is a bright white light.

That burns too and I squeeze my eyes shut. The tears continue. Inhaling raggedly through my mouth I exhale with trembling lips.

I’m not ready to open my eyes again. I’m terrified. I’m terrified of what I won’t see.

Because if I don’t see him . . .

If I don’t see him . . .

God, I can’t even finish the thought.

Opening my eyes I blink past the bright white light until my eyes can focus. Once they do I take a quick glance of my surroundings.

Beige cream walls. An older television mounted on the wall that is playing a comedy show. A standard large photo artwork framed on the wall to my left. A small uncomfortable hospitable bed that has machines working besides me. Machines that are hooked upto me.

An IV is inserted in the vein on the top of my hand. Bandages with paper tape is secured around it. I notice the faintest sight of blood seeping through the bandage. Following more tubes one comes across my arm, then up my chest, traveling up my neck and landing at its destination in my nostrils. My free hand, which is weak, gently touches the tubes in my nose.

My eyes search the room once more. This time hoping to see a certain someone fill a chair in the hospital room.

When my eyes land on the chair, the chair filled with someone but not him I break. I break because that feeling I had before I even woke must be true.

I let out a wail. A wail so powerful and high pitched that it echoes throughout the room.

A rush of commotion happens and I feel a presence by my bedside. Gentle small warm hands enclose my own yet I refuse to open my eyes to the tender touch.

Tears stream down my face. Not from the pain I am feeling because that is everywhere. It lights up every cell in my body. I ache and ache. My limbs are sore to the point where they almost feel numb. The back of my head pounds like thunder. Every movement I make shoots me down like a strike of lightening.

No, tears pour from my eyes because of what I don’t feel. Of what I feel is missing.

That is the heart beating inside my chest. The warmth in my blood. My soul . . . Part of my soul is gone.

I can’t explain how I feel it, how I know but when my eyes opened and I took my first breath I knew my other half hadn’t done that yet.

And that is worse than any kind of pain there is. It’s the worst feeling imaginable.

It’s soul shattering.

Heartbreaking.

It’s destroying me.

All the air seizes from my lungs.

Another wail rips out me. This one more powerful than the last.

“Alice, Alice.” The feminine voice calls my name soothingly. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

I open my eyes and through the blur I see a very concerned and weary Grace. Her hair is a chaotic mess of waves that is topped in a messy bun. Loose tendrils frame her face. Eyes always a beautiful shade of blue are tinged with red. Bags dark and puffy rest underneath her eyes. Her skin is paler than normal. Cheeks that were once full are hollowed out. She’s significantly thinner than the last time I saw her. But that doesn’t make sense. It’s only been a few days since her and Oakleft for Hollows Point. How did she lose that much weight so quickly?

Her eyes focused on mine with a gentle tenderness is almost too much to bare.

I hiccup uncomfortably after my cries have subsided. My eyes search hers for answers. So many answers. “Where is he?” My voice is raw, hoarse. Her eyes turn sympathetic. “Where’s Reed?” My lower lip trembles and my voice shakes. She shakes her head sadly. Sympathetic eyes stare down at me with tears welling in them.

Panic blooms inside my chest. It takes hold of every molecule in my body.

Pushing her hand off mine I go to sit up in the hospital bed. My head instantly feels woozy but I fight through it. In my panic state my weakened body doesn’t matter.

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