Page 91 of A Love Like Venom

There is an undeniable grey area.

That’s where him and I live.

I remember the conversation I shared earlier with Grace. When people tell you things your entire life you will eventually believe it. I used to think that I was worthless. But I know I deserve so much more out of life. Deep down I knew what my mother and sister would say to me was a lie. Poison that they tried to inject me with. I had always thought Reed Carter was my very own antidote, but I was wrong. I had the antidote inside me all along. He just nurtured the wounds so they wouldn’t leave scars.

But Reed believed deep down in his soul that he was a monster. That he was nothing more than the darkness inside of him. His father did that to him. The kids at school treated him so. Hollows Point broke him. Made him a product of pain.

He succumbed deeper in the darkness while helping me rise above it.

The most tragic part is that all that time that he never found the antidote for his own self-loathing.

My presence was only a temporary numbing medication but not enough to shut down the negating voices in his head.

“You wouldn’t have doubted me if you didn’t doubt yourself,” I begin gently, treading on uncharted waters. “If you had never perceived yourself as a monster you wouldn’t have believed it so easily.”

His face twists with pain as he drops his head. “I shouldn’t have believed it all,” he replies gruffly. “I should’ve known you never would’ve betrayed me like that.” He raises his head, and his eyes are filled with unshed tears. On choked words he asks, “Why couldn’t I believe you?”

My heart aches for him. I can physically feel his pain and it hurts me as well.

I can’t stand seeing him like this. Broken. Unsure of himself. Fighting a battle that he thinks he will never win.

Yes, I have hated him but my love for him is stronger. It always will be.

Is that right? Is it wrong?

I don’t know.

But that’s the beauty of living in the grey area. Only the two of us can be the ones to decide.

Sliding the light blanket off me I get up from the couch that also serves as my bed. Walking over to him my steps are light but purposeful.

When I reach him, I leave a good couple of inches of space between us to not startle him. “You believe that you are nothing but darkness, but you aren’t. You’re more than what they say you are. You’re more than what you believe,” I tell him.

“Here in the darkness I know myself and I’m afraid to feel the burn on my skin when I step in the light.” His low voice is tinged with sorrow.

A sad smile appears on my face. Bringing myself closer to him my palm goes to caress his face. Instinctively he leans in, the scruff from his cheek pricking my palm. The sensation sending goosebumps down my arm.

Magical hazel eyes that are now a deep shade of brown stare at me pleadingly. His eyes tell me everything even the things he is afraid to voice out loud. Never has he been able to hide from me. With me he is an open book. A man who shows himself completely. Sharing with me every strength and weakness. Telling me his deepest secrets. Confiding in me with his greatest fears.

And after all this time that hasn’t changed.

My Reed Carter has returned.

“You stepped in the light before. You can do it again,” softly I tell him.

His eyes close as a pained sigh leaves his lips. Inside my heart still finds it within itself to break for him. Tragedy has affected us both. Where I chose to rise above it, he’s drowning in it. Submerging deeper in the dark waters. I can’t not lend him a hand.

We all need someone. At one point in time, he was that someone for me. He showed me there was good in this world. Bestowing upon me a kindness I never thought was possible.

How can I deny him the very same thing?

I can’t.

I won’t.

“What if I can’t?” He whispers brokenly.

“Can’t you see? You already are. You’re doing so by protecting me.”

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