Page 225 of A Love Like Venom

I feel her before she even touches me. The power this woman has over me is unmeasurable. I'll do whatever she wants. I'm wrapped around her finger. And I'm not ashamed of it.

I will do anything for her. Be anyone for her.

All she has to do is just ask.

Her fingers tangle in my hair despite how drenched with sweat it is.

Her touch is heavenly. My body immediately begins to relax. Releasing all its tension. Making me forget how I pushed my muscles to the extreme.

I raise my head to look at her, to really look at her. Her hand moves from my hair to cup my cheek. My stubble prickles against her jaw but she doesn't mind the sensation.

Those honey brown eyes. Her beautiful angelic face. That light that always surrounds her like a fucking beacon.

I can't believe I went three months without it.

It's why I find myself staring at her more and more as of late. All her beauty. All her strength. My admiration grows for her each passing day but it's my love for her that has become unbreakable. I loved her before but what I feel for her now far surpasses what I felt back then.

She stood by my side. Held my hand each night. Risked her fucking life for mine. Fought the doctors who said I met my end. She’s here during every step of my recovery.

Alice Hall stayed with me.

And I will forever stay with her.

"I'm not going to kill myself," I tell her after I have collected my breath. I would never do that to her. She had to live without me when I walked away all those years ago. Then she had to do it again when I was unconscious for three fucking months. That's never going to happen again.

"Then you have to stop this, Reed. Your body can't handle it. It will fail on you," she tells me the harsh truth, one that I know already but haven't faced. Her eyes continue to search mine. "After all of the progress you've made is that what you want?"

I swallow and glance away from her. Her hands then frame my face forcing me to keep my eyes on hers. Her eyes are set with determination and her voice is strong as steel. "You don't get to hide from me, Reed Carter. You wore a mask with everyone else in your life but never with me. Don't you start now."

Shame fills me because that's exactly what I have been trying to do. "I'm sorry."

Her thumb swipes back and forth along my cheekbone. I melt under her soothing caress. "Talk to me. You're fighting with yourself when you shouldn't be. I know you more than I know myself. You can't lie and tell me that nothing is going on in that beautiful dark mind of yours."

I turn my head slightly so that my lips press a gentle kiss to her palm, my eyes never leaving hers. Her eyes flutter and I heara sharp intake of breath. I do love after everything we've done with each other she still reacts from a simple kiss. A flush covers her skin, from her cheeks down to her chest.

"I love you, angel. More and more each day."

A beautiful smile graces her lips. Her eyes lighten. "And I love you." She leans forward and I wait for her to press her lips to mine. Instead they hover. "Now stop stalling and talk."

My heart races inside my chest and it has nothing to do with my strenuous workout. "I'm not stalling."

She quirks an eyebrow at me. "I do love you," I'm quick to say because that is the truth. "I wanted to say it." I pause letting all the emotions hit me hard and fast. "I want to say it as much as I can because you went three months without fucking hearing it."

"Reed," she breathes my name and it sounds so sad. A dawning of realization flickers across her face.

Unlike the past where I would let these demons fester inside and wear a mask to fake how I felt I tell her everything. All of it spills from my lips. "Three months you went without my touch. Three months you were only half alive. I wasn't there, Alice. I wasn't there when you woke up. I wasn't there for your recovery. I. Wasn't. There." I pull away from her breathing hard. I then stalk off the treadmill and lean against the wall. My eyes flash at hers from across the room. Her eyes filled with pain and sorrow.For me.And I can't take it.

My voice drops low with turmoil and agony. "And I failed you." She goes to open her mouth but I give her a look and she snaps it shut. "I did, Alice. I made you a promise that you would be safe with me. That no one would hurt you again. That no one would lay a fucking finger on you. And look what happened." I choke on my own regret and self loathing. Briefly I look away from her because it's too damn much. All her love and light and I don't deserve it. "I can't forgive myself for that."

I hang my head. My chin resting upon my chest. I feel so fucking defeated.

"All this guilt," she sighs sadly. "Oak feels guilty for the plan not being successful. Slater feels guilty for not fighting hard enough. Sticks feels guilty because he entertained the possibility of your death. And my guilt.” Her voice breaks. My head snaps up immediately.

"Your guilt?"

"Yes, my guilt," she tells me. "This happened because of me. I'm the reason for all of it." I go to argue but she gives me a hard look. "No, I heard what you have to say now you will hear what I have to." I close my mouth and swallow hard. "Don't you think it kills me inside knowing you're in this position because of me. You were brutally torturedbecause of me. You almost diedbecause of me.You were in a hospital unconscious for three fucking monthsbecause of me.And now you are pushing yourself to the breaking pointbecause of me!"

This crushing feeling in my chest is leaving me sick to my fucking stomach. Yeah, that's worse than any torture.

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