Page 221 of A Love Like Venom

His eyes flash at mine shockingly. Then he subtly nods his head. "I regret not protecting her when I should have. That's on me, Alice. I wasn't being her protective big brother."

"Then who were you being?"

He swallows again, glancing away from me. His finger twitches by his side. "I was being the man drowning in guilt and grief. It was the anniversary of their deaths," he tells me. I raise a brow. "My brothers in the Marines. It was the first anniversary of their deaths and I couldn't fucking handle it. I was alive and they weren't. Everything was too fucking much. The only solution I found was getting drunk to the point where I couldn't remember. And I succeeded. I got so fucking drunk I blackedthe fuck out. But look what happened to my sister. That's on me, Alice."

"That's not your fault, Oak."

"Yeah, she told me that, too."

"But you don't believe her?"

"No, because I know I failed her that night. I failed her just like I failed them."

"Oak, that isn't true."

"Oh, it is. I have failed so many people I care about. Ruined their lives one way or another. I never mean to do it but it just happens." He shakes his head sadly. "Look at Snake. I failed him and look at where he is at."

"You didn't fail him," I say forcefully. "You didn't fail him nor me for that matter. If anyone is to blame for what happened to him it would be me. I was the one Razor wanted. I was the one he was after. All of this happened because of me. Not you or anyone else."

He stares at me with an unreadable expression but then his face twists with disbelief. "You believe you're to blame?" I stay silent. "Razor's obsession with you is because he's fucking sick in the head. You had no control over the situation."

I know that. Deep down I know that. Sometimes when the days are too heavy and there is no sign in sight of Reed waking up I lay the blame on me.

But he's right. I had no control over Razor. Which also proves my point for him.

"And neither did you."

He expels a long breath. "You make me want to believe it, Alice but I can't. Not today."

"Someday you will."

There's a long pause. "Someday." The way he says it has me believing that he never sees that day coming for him. For somany reasons. And god does that fucking hurt. To see someone you care about without hope.

Rising from the painfully small chair he says to me, "If there is anything I believe in it's that he will wake up. I fucking believe that." Before he leaves he gives me a hug in which I return.

And then it's just him and I again.

The silence comes creeping back in and I hate it.

I rub soothing circles with my thumb on the top of Reed's hand.

One day he'll recognize my touch again.

One day he'll feel my skin against his.

One day his pinky will intertwine with mine.

Until then I have to leave it up to time.

How much more time is it going to take? And however much time that may be will it go by just as excruciatingly slow?

My head bows down to where my cheek gently grazes the top of his hand.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't even hear the hospital door room open. It's not until a strong presence sits in the chair that Oak once resided do I take notice.

Raising my head up I take Reed's hand back in mine before I give the person my attention.

Sticks regards me carefully, handling me like I am a fragile piece of glass. The glass has been shattered a long time ago. I haven't felt whole since I woke up. "There is a possibility he might never wake up." Despite his efforts to stay strong I don't miss the crack in his voice nor the unshed tears in his eyes.

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