Page 220 of A Love Like Venom

I hate the silence.

The silence only reminds me of how he can't talk to me back. How he can't say,I love you, angel.

I'd give anything to hear his voice again.

And I would give everything and more to see his magical eyes.

Those beautiful hazel eyes have the magic to calm me. To bring me peace. Without them I feel so lost and unsettled.

I try so fucking hard to keep myself together when everyday I'm falling further apart.

Most days I feel dead inside.

On those days Rosa, Grace and Oak take extra care of me. They force me to eat when I don't have the stomach for it. They talk to me when the silence becomes too fucking loud. They try to bring light back in my eyes when they see it flickering.

No one can bring the light back in my eyes except for Reed.

"I have some good news," Oak begins. He sits on the chair opposite from me at Reed's bedside. I lift my head towards him and stare at him with tired eyes. "We found them, Alice."

Razor and Fiend.

I take in a breath for the first time that doesn't physically ache. A dark cloud that has been looming over my head starts to clear.

They have managed to stay hidden and off our radar for quite some time after they escaped. That has felt excruciatingly slow as well. But now Oak is telling me that we found them.

We finally fucking found them.

For a split second it almost makes me feel alive.

The thought of killing them with the sweetest torture brings me to life if only for a second.

"Snake was right about you," he comments. My brows furrow as I look at him. He then explains, "He told me you had a dark streak inside of you. That you were capable. I had joked backsaying that you would have to especially being with him. But it's true, isn't it?"

I have no reason to lie to Oak and I don't want to. Oak and I have become quite close. He's more than Reed's best friend. He's one of mine, too. He's the big protective brother every little girl wishes to have. When I told him he was family I wasn't lying.

"You know I didn't have the greatest childhood but Reed was the only person who made each day worth the suffering. Most of our time we spent gazing up at the stars," I begin to share the story of us. Telling Oak about the stars feels like I am sharing intimate details but it's an integral part to our story. They are, after all, what brought us together. I smile lightly. "We wished on them. Finding the brightest star and closing our eyes to make a wish. I lived for those moments. Every moment with Reed was like a dream. I found peace with him, Oak. Real peace. Serenity. He gave me something I thought I could never have.”

"Before you came back in his life every now and then I would see him with a beer in his hand gazing up at the night sky," he says to me. My eyes widen from the newfound piece of information. After Reed had left I stopped wishing on those stars. It reminded me too much of him and I couldn't bear it.

Oak continues, "He wore a damn near perfect mask most of the time but whenever I caught him looking up at the night sky his mask was off. I could see it. The pain. Torment. Regret. His anger. I saw all of it. The man beneath the mask was broken and he wore one to pretend that he was whole."

I glance up at Reed and a tear slips from my eye. I wipe it away quickly hoping Oak won't notice. "Reed has a darkness. I knew from the moment I met him. I was only seven at the time. But the moment he put his hand in mine and offered to share the stars with me I knew there was a light inside of him, too. He saved me, Oak. Everyday by just breathing he saved me."

"He was your savior."

I nod my head. "He still is. But he couldn't save me from everything." I take a deep breath. He will be the only other person who knows besides Grace what happened to me.

He must see the look on my face because he protests. "You don't have to tell me, Alice."

My eyes find his again. "I do." He nods his head and waits patiently. Finally I exhale and tell him. "My mother had her fair share of men. Fair share would be putting it lightly. Men came and went from as young as I can remember. Most of mother's men had a wandering eye and they became handsy." I stop for a moment as my breathing becomes harsh. Oak shifts in his chair. Fists form by his side as his jaw ticks. I collect myself before I continue. "But there was one boyfriend mother had that took it further." I swallow. Here it goes. "When I was seventeen I was raped brutally by a man who was named Chris Blackwell." There, I said it. I said it without my voice shaking. Oak looks like a man who is vibrating with fury. I can feel it from here. "He took my virginity. My innocence. And it felt like he had taken everything from me."

"That motherfucker! I'll dig him up from his pathetic grave and kill him myself," he spits out. After he mutters a few more curse words he composes himself enough for me to finish.

"Even after what he did and how I felt afterwards my first thought was to run to Reed. I knew with him I would find that peace I had lost. That I would find myself again if he just held me in his arms. So, that's what I did. Chris went back to the bedroom and I ran with trembling legs to the trailer next door where he lived. He saw me coming from the roof of his trailer and immediately scooped me up in his arms. He knew something was wrong. And because I couldn't lie to him about this I told him. That's when it happened Oak. That's when Reed went storming to my trailer with me following behind him. It's when he took the sharpest knife he could find in my kitchenand killed Chris Blackwell. I was with him the whole time. I even helped him dispose of the weapon and then the body. I suggested that we burn it and that's exactly what we did. As the flames took his body to ash Reed held me in his arms the entire time." I finally breathe again. I press a tender kiss to Reed's hand. "So, yes, I suppose I do have a darkness inside me. But I'm not ashamed of it. And there is not a day that goes by where I regret what we've done. I don't know what that says about me, Oak. If that tarnishes the light I have but that's my truth."

Oak swallows. His eyes are distant. For a second I think he sees me differently. But then what he says breaks my heart and steals my breath all at once. "My younger sister, Nora," he begins, his voice thick and strained, "she was raped like you. And when she told me I did the same thing Snake did. I found the man who did it and I killed him. Not a day goes by where I regret what I did." There is something he's holding back. I can sense it. As I have gotten closer to Oak I have noticed a few of his tells. One is when his finger will twitch. The other is when the vein in his neck is more pronounced.

"But you regret something."

---