Page 163 of A Love Like Venom

Maybe I should have savored that moment with her longer. I should have held her tighter. I should have drawn it out for as long as I could. Because that could have been the last time.

Seeing her face, so peaceful and her eyes filled with love afterwards could be the last time.

She may never want me near her again.

"I believe you. It's not like you to be careless. But if what she is claiming is true you need to tell Alice. It has to come from you and not someone else."

I swallow. My voice is small and choked as I voice my fear. "What if I lose her?"

Oak gives me a sympathetic smile but his eyes are full of sorrow. A complete contradiction. "Then you let her go."

My heart twists in my chest. I can't do that. I can't live in a world where she isn't by my side. "What if I can't?"

"If you really love her you can't force her to stay with you, she'll learn to resent you. But if you let her go she then has the choice to come back. You have to give her a choice."

And isn't that what I have been telling her all along. Haven't I been giving that to her since that moment I returned to Hollows Point hoping for her forgiveness.

A choice.

I told her that she will always have a choice.

If I take that away from her then I become just like the men who abused her. Nothing but monsters.

I refuse to be a monster.

"I'll tell her," I say to him, my voice heavy and my heart even heavier. My mind can't seem to work as I can't process anything anymore. My head drops as my shoulders slump. I can't move a muscle if I tried.

Even when I hear the door open and the hard footsteps that follow I can't pick up my head. I stay in the corner of the room, the only thing supporting me being the wall behind me.

Chatter happens around me but I can't pick up on a damn word. What they are saying makes no sense.

Nothing makes sense.

What will I do if she walks away?

How will I survive without her?

I can't be the person I was before. The man who wore a mask. Not when she took it off. Not when she showed me a life worth living. She brought color in my life and if she leaves it will go with her.

"Snake, what do you think?" Sticks deep voice demands my attention. Blinking rapidly I raise my head and meet his worried eyes.

I stare back at him blankly, my face impassive.

All my brother's eyes I feel on me burning my skin but I can't find it within me to care or be bothered.

I'm going to lose Alice.

Sticks clears his throat and clarifies the question I wasn't paying attention to. "The lockdown, Snake. What do you think?"

Glancing around the room each of my brothers look at me with concern. It's clear in their faces. Settling my eyes back on Sticks my voice is flat as I answer, "I agree. Oak is right."

He's right about everything and a small part of me hates him for it.

A larger part of me hates myself more. It is after all my fault. I'm the reason. I'm always the fucking reason.

Here I am about to fail her once again.

How can I ask her to forgive me when there will be a child that's not from her and I but with someone else?

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