Page 147 of A Love Like Venom

“Believe you?” I ask with my brows furrowed.

He crosses the room to stand a good feet away from me.

His eyes search mine with a hint of desperation that I have never seen before. Just as soon as I see it it’s gone. He runs a hand through his curly black hair and then folds his arms over his chest. The colorful ink stares at me painfully.

Despite his age he does have good stature. He can handle himself that’s for sure. And he does get this look in his eyes sometimes, this wild feral look that can scare the shit out of someone.

“I do love this club, Snake. I want to be a member one day,” he tells me seriously.

One of the perks of wearing a mask these past years is no one gets serious with me. Except Oak. He’s always been the exception because the man wears a mask of his own. We both saw that when we met each other. But anyone else? Nope, having conversations about feelings and importance didn’t matter. I was sent to inflict pain when the club needed me to.

Now that the mask is off I see the club treating me a different way. Or perhaps it’s because I’m finally allowing people inside after I have been shut down for so long.

It’s only another thing to thank Alice for.

She’s teaching me to become a better man. One who actually gives a shit and wants more out of life.

“That’s why you’re a prospect,” I remind him. The whole idea of a prospect is to prove your loyalty and respect to the club. All for the hopes of one day becoming a member. Becoming part of our family.

“But in order to become a member I have to earn your guys respect and believe me I get that.”

“You have our respect, Slater.” I decide to honestly tell him.

“Yet you don’t like me, do you?” He asks me outright.

“Listen, I don’tnotlike you,” I answer him truthfully. To be fair I really haven’t been around him to get to know him. The guys say he’s a good one. Does what he’s told and doesn’t fight back. Rosa loves him and he follows her around like a puppy dog. Almost like a man starving for motherly affection. Plus the last two interactions I had don’t leave the best taste in my mouth. Each of them involves my jealously when it comes to Alice. One, you don’t hit on what’s mine and two you don’t fucking mention how she acts in our bed.

He sighs heavily. The truth weighing on him. Then he asks me, “Sticks never told you why I want to join did he?”

Sensing that Slater wants to get this off his chest I place down everything in my arms on the bar counter and wait to hear what he has to say.

Some things you just do. Do I want more than anything to be back with Alice? Fuck yeah I do. But I also see that the conflict between him and I is bothering him. And if he is going to be sworn in as a member that means he becomes my brother. We all took an oath to be there for one another.

“I grew up in foster care. Never once adopted. That’s a different kind of pain, Snake. A whole new meaning to loneliness. Watching couples come in, young and old looking for a child to call their own. And every time you see them walk through the doors you hope that they will pick you. That they will see something special. Except they look right pass you as if you were glass. You’re overlooked because they don’t see anything worth loving. And they leave with a kid who isn’t you. And the next couple who comes in does the same. And so the next. And the next. Before you know it you’re eighteen. You’re an adult. The law says you’re old enough to not need a family. Old enough to do things on your own. Life comes at you quick and it’s cutthroat and ruthless yet still you try to make the best out of it. You try to survive. But me? I was always trying to make a connection. Trying to be liked. Hoping to fit in somewhere. Wanting to find a home. That’s why I came here. If life wouldn’t give me a family then I would find one for myself.”

Maybe it is because Alice is in my life again, bestowing upon me a lightness in my soul that I haven’t had over the years. Maybe that’s why I find myself hurting for the kid.

I had a family. And sure dear ole dad was a piece of fucking shit but I at least had my momma. Her love was enough to fill both places of mother and father. She tried her best despite the constant struggles we faced. And god did I love her. When she died I swear part of myself that was good did with her.

But Alice never allowed me to submerge in my darkness. She was the constant light in my life. And I thank on the stars that she forgave me.

I love her with everything in me. And for some reason way beyond my comprehension she does the same. Because I will never understand how someone that good loves me.

As she said, I’m the moon and she’s the sun. How can I argue with that when she’s right?

Looking at Slater I see him a bit differently. We both used the same coping mechanisms. Except my drinking and fucking women wasn’t to fill a whole in my heart. It was a part of a mask for no one to question if I was okay.

Slater sleeps with countless women and drinks to fill the loneliness. To harbor an ache he has felt since he was born. What he doesn’t know is the alcohol and pussy won’t fill the hole he’s desperately trying to fill.

“Can I give you a piece of advice?”

“Yeah,” he responds eagerly as he waits patiently for what I have to say.

“The women and drinking,” I begin, “that’s not going to make you feel whole, you hear me?”

“But they don’t reject me either.” His words shock me but then they don’t because fuck if I don’t understand.

Men all have their ways of dealing with shit. Unfortunately none of them being healthy. At least not with this bunch.

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