Page 126 of A Love Like Venom

Her eyes meet mine as I peer over Reed's shoulder.

There is something different swirling in them this time. When Caitlin usually spares me a glance it's filled with utter disgust and disdain. Even though her eyes are a beautiful shade of blue they are always as cold as ice towards me. I haven't felt warmth from her since I was seven years old. Since my mother pulled her away from me and filled her with vicious lies. My mother injected her poison in my sister and it spread like wildfire.

There would be little remarks thrown my way after that day. And those little remarks morphed into full blown insults by the time I was a teenager. She was relentless. Every minute that I was home with her she had something negative to say. Whether it be about my appearance or how I simply breathed. Everything that I did annoyed her. With hateful eyes and a scowl permanently on her face I had come to expect her cruel behavior.

Even though I expected it, counted to ten to prepare myself for what sinister thing she would do next, it still didn't hurt any less.

Because there is no feeling like being in a home that doesn't feel like a home because your own family, your own flesh and blood hates you.

And they more than just hate you. They want to belittle you every chance they get. They make you cry at night wondering what you did to deserve this. They make you question if you are worthy, if you will ever be worthy for someone to love.

They hate you so much that you wish you never existed.

That's painful. No matter how many times I counted to ten or knew how they felt it was beyond painful to live with everyday.

The only reprieve I had was Reed. And those nights I spent with him gazing at the stars making wishes gave me the hope I needed to survive another day of torture.

Sometimes I don't know what is worse. Mental or physical abuse. Both leave their scars but only one you can see with the bare eye. I can prove that someone is assaulting me. I can show a bruise or a broken bone. I can prove with a handprint that fingers marked my skin.

But mental abuse, mental abuse is so much harder to prove. And for me it was much harder to explain. It was harder for me to comprehend let alone deal with.

When several of my mother's boyfriend would lay a hand on me I knew that was wrong. When Chris Blackwell raped me I wasn't trying to comprehend what happened to me. I knew what he did and I knew it wasn't right. I knew with every touch and each thrust that he was violating me. He was taking my virginity,taking me, without my consent.

With the mental abuse . . .

With the mental abuse I started to believe what they would say to me. I begun to think that I was worthless. That I wasundeserving of love. That I didn't belong and never would. That I would never be as beautiful as Caitlin or as clever as my mother. I heard it all. I heard it all and at an impressionable age when hormones were crazy and running high I believed them.

I believed them up until the day that I didn't. Because if their words were true then how would that explain Reed Carter?

You see, he did save me, he was the antidote that cured everything they said to me. But I had to believe it, too. I had to dig deep down inside and believe in myself. Believe that I was worthy. That I was capable of love and finding it.

When Reed would look at me like I was something worth looking at I believed in me. And it was because of him I started believing in myself. Then their words could no longer hurt me. Their hate filled eyes could no longer cause me to wince. And their presence unwanted as it may be I could learn to live with it.

I learned more than just to live with it.

I learned how to survive.

But her eyes, her eyes aren't as cold as ice nor are they their usual ocean blue.

It's in her eyes that I see turbulent waters and catastrophic waves.

And I refuse to get swept up in the current and drown in her destruction.

"You can put the gun down, Reed. Is that any way to treat an ex-lover?" She purrs with a smirk still on her face.

However Reed doesn't lower the gun. Instead he clicks off the safety and hovers his finger over the trigger in response.

Cocking her head the side she sighs dramatically. "Am I that much of a threat to you?"

"No but for what you've done to Alice I'm having a hard time not pulling the trigger.” His voice is dark and menacing. It sends a shiver down my spine. His hand that is holding me back squeezes my hip.

Caitlin doesn't miss the intimate touch. Her eyes narrow at his hand placed firmly on my hip. Glancing between Reed and I she lands her gaze back on him. "Not too long ago you couldn't keep your hands off of me. Now you want to kill me. And for what? Her?" She scoffs.

I can feel the tension rise in the room as Reed grows incredibly stiff.

As her eyes return to mine hoping to see a reaction I have none to give. If she's thinking her past relationship with him will hurt me like it did before than she's surely mistaken. What Reed and I have is far more meaningful and deeper than what they shared. Even though I hate the fact that he was ever with her, that she knows him intimately, it will never be anything compared to what him and I have.

Her love for him was shallow.

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