Page 54 of Unlovable Player

I’m not sure whether to be flattered he’s so invested in getting to know my ma, or offended that he’s treating this like a business merger – trying to schmooze the manager of the company for his own gains. But what does he have to gain by schmoozing my ma? She doesn’t have anything he needs. Neither do I.

When I told her I was bringing Sebastian Huntington (the third) home, she thought I was fucking with her. And when I told her I wasn’t, she said, “I’m glad you two found a way to work out your differences, that’s the sign of a mature adult.”

Yeah, we found a way alright.

While Seb drives, I try not to stare at the side of his face, or his hands tapping the steering wheel in time toGirl Crush.His veiny forearms and the light hairs dappled with sunlight. The shape of his thighs in his smart chinos - even though I told him to wear sweats for our five hour drive.

I haven’t let myself think too hard about this past week. I’ve always known in the back of my head that I was at least curious about guys, and so now I’ve realized I’m into having sex with men, really into it, just as much as I’m into sex with women. I don’t want to think about it any further than that. I just want to enjoy whatever this is. Hopefully come out of it with a better understanding of what I want.

I do start to worry that this might be a bad idea as we pass through Connecticut and I remember that Seb grew up in a big house with a pool in New Haven even though it must have been fucking freezing for half the year. That he’s about to see where I grew up. And though my ma busted her ass to keep this roof over our heads, and it’s not a bad place at all, it’s no mansion.

“So are you going to show me the sights in Jersey?”

“What do you wanna see?”

“I don’t know. The boardwalk?”

“Which one?”

“There’s more than one?”

I shake my head.

“And I want to go to a real New Jersey club.”

“Why? What do you think it’s gonna be like?”

“I don’t know, the Miley CyrusBangersalbum on repeat?”

I snort. “You watch too muchJersey Shore.”

“You don’t watch that show?”

I shake my head -idiot.

He’s beaming as he takes the toll road into Newark and we’re a little closer to Seb stepping into my world outside of college and hockey. Something I’ve always kept separate before.

I check my phone while Seb goes to pay for gas at the next Texaco. There’s a message from Alyssa and my heart leaps into my throat. Guilt swelling like I’m cheating. But who the fuck am I cheating on? Her or Seb?

Lisa said you’re home this weekend, it’d be nice to catch up if you have the time x

Seb comes out of the gas station, grinning and holding up what looks like two hoagies.

“Gas station hoagies, really? It’s not even a Wawa”

“I don’t understand fifty-percent of what you just said. What’s ahoagie?”

I roll my eyes as I snatch one. “A ‘sub.’”

Seb makes this annoying little laughing sound. “A ‘hoagie?’ geez, you’re going to have to translate for me this weekend.”

We eat in the car with the door open and my playlist on low before throwing our wrappers away and hitting the road again.

We come off the highway and head into a leafy suburb onto College Drive and Seb perks up. “I’ve been here before.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, Princeton’s around here, right?”

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