“She needs love and a home,” she replies, “we don’t keep babies unless it’s medically necessary.”
I look down at the baby nestled in my arms. Her innocence contrasts sharply with the chaos swirling in my mind. In that moment, I decide I must protect her. I can step up and be the father she needs. I won’t let some strangers take her to Arizona and I’m certain Emma wouldn’t want that either.
Chapter 31
Noah
Marcus is fully onboard with my decision, his support reassures me I’m doing the right thing for the baby and for Emma.
“This is what she would want,” he agrees.
I send him off to stock the closet with girl clothes, blankets, and all the pink things in the world while I head to Emma’s house to retrieve the car seat. As I step inside the untouched nursery, a wave of bittersweet memories slap me in the face. I look around at the furniture I assembled with Emma and to the spot on the floor where we made love after, wishing I could go back to that day.
I took so much for granted. I wish I would have accepted her and the baby sooner. So much time was wasted while I was in denial of my feelings and being a coward.
I shake my head in an attempt to fight the devastating thoughts and emotions that threaten to overtake me. I need to focus on Emma getting better and the beautiful little life that depends on me now. Grabbing the car seat, I hurry back to my car.
Once the seat is secured in the backseat of my car, I pause, taking a moment to close my eyes and breathe. The weight of what I’m about to do settles on my shoulders. This is fraud. I’m about to cross a legal line, claiming to be her father. But deep down I know my mind has already been made up, there’s no going back from this decision.
I slide into the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly, and pull out of the driveway.
When I arrive at the hospital, I take out the car seat and diaper bag I loaded up when Emma went into labor. We never made it to the car that day, I wish I would have picked her up and put her in the backseat myself.
Before heading up to the nursery, I stop by Emma’s hospital room. Praying to God she will be awake and I won’t have to make this daunting decision alone.
But my fragile hopes are immediately crushed when I see the doctor step out of her room. Glancing at me, my heart sinks as he solemnly shakes his head. “No news yet,” he pats me on the shoulder as he passes by.
Stepping inside the room I’ve become all too familiar with, I immediately take my place on the edge of her bed. I gently take her delicate hand in mine. “Hey, love,” I whisper, rubbing circles on her palm. “I’m about to do something insane and I really need you to wake up and stop me.” My voice trembles as I fight back tears. “Please baby. Wake up," I sob against her hand. "Your baby needs you. And I need you, I can’t do this alone,” I whisper.
I lay my head on her lap, staring up at her beautiful face, and will her to wake up. I'm still holding onto hope that I will wake up from this terrible nightmare and find myself still tucked in her bed with her next to me.
I continue daydreaming until I’m summoned back to the nursery. I’m handed a thick stack of discharge papers along with pamphlets that contain newborn care instructions. Each pamphlet feels heavy with the responsibilities I'm about to take on.
I read through the pages carefully, my hand shaking as I scribble my signature on each one. I give the hospital my home address for the bills to be sent to. I'm almost through the stack of papers when my breath catches in my throat and I pause. It’s the birth certificate.
The birth certificate has Emma Lawson listed as the mother and I'm listed as the baby's father. I stare at the page for several beats. Having to sign the birth certificate never crossed my mind.
“Can we wait to sign this one when Emma wakes up?” I ask, handing the papers back to the lady at the desk.
“No. We need you to complete this before you can take baby home,” she replies, her voice clipped and rude. “Since you don’t have a name for her yet, her first name is listed as ‘infant’ and last name is ‘Sterling’. When you do come up with a name, you’ll have to register it at the courthouse as soon as possible. I just need you to sign on this line, acknowledging you are the father.”
I continue staring at the section that read's ‘Father’. Contemplating my options, I quickly realize I don't have any. If I tell them I can't sign this because I'm not the father, they're not going to let me take her.
The lady clears her throat, snapping me back to the moment. I know I must do something, I already look suspicious enough. I force my hand to move, quickly filling out my name and signing below it.
I slide the papers over across the desk. The indifferent look on the lady’s face suggests it’s just another routine task for her, but for me, this is a terrifying moment. As she checks over the papers, I feel the weight of what I’ve just done. I lied on the birth certificate and legally signed myself up to be responsible for this tiny, fragile life. I should go ahead and contact my lawyer soon.
"Come this way," a nurse beckons me to follow her.
We enter the nursery for the last time. She confirms mine and the baby's hospital bracelets match, before handing her to me.
"I'm just going to remove the baby's ID bracelets now." I watch her nervously as she puts the scissors against the baby's skin and cuts through the plastic. "I'll put these in her diaper bag incase you want to keep them for a scrapbook or something. I'll also stock you up with formula and diapers that should last a few days."
I rub the baby's soft skin where the bracelets left a red mark. "Okay. Thank you."
The nurse returns and watches me place the baby in the carseat, ensuring I buckle her up correctly. "Well, it looks like we're ready to go," I hesitate at the door.
"We are going to miss this little cutie so much!" the nurse coos at the baby. "You will be just fine, dad, I promise. We’re still praying so hard for Emma." The nurse smiles up at me before turning her attention back to the sleeping baby.