Page 23 of Love Unexpected

“You’re wrong, Noah. I know you better than you think. I see the good in you all the time," I insist urgently. "You’re spending your Saturday night with me, putting together furniture for another man’s baby! You care about my well-being, what I eat, if I’m resting. You even gave me extra paid time off just because of my morning sickness! Does that really sound like your dad to you?"

He grimaces. “Yes, it does actually. When my mother was pregnant with me and their relationship was still intact and new, I've heard he was a very attentive partner. The stress of having children changed him.”

“Noah!” I say exasperated. “You’re making excuses because you’re scared of jumping in with both feet, and I totally get that. But your father was a bad person long before the stress of kids, he was just good at hiding it. Using innocent children as an excuse for his horrible behavior is ridiculous. I have no doubts about the kind of man you are.”

I hold his gaze, willing him to see my sincerity. "You are not him,” I say, softly laying a quick peck to his lips.

Noah turns his head away, his gaze fixed out the window. “I don’t know what to do, Emma. I care about you so much, but I can’t ignore the fact that you’re having a baby. I didn’t plan for this!” His frustration grows.

“I didn’t plan for this either,” I whisper. “I certainly didn’t plan to fall in love with you.”

His back stiffens. “Please don’t say that. You can’t mean that. I’m not worth it.”

“Not worth it?” I scoff angrily. “You’re worth everything to me! I don’t understand why you act like you have deep feelings for me, but then you keep pushing me away.”

“I can’t take on this responsibility with you. I’ll only let you both down.” He shakes his head, still not convinced. I can see the familiar shadows creeping back in. And I’ve realized the walls he has built up are only made of grief and fear.

I can’t let him retreat into his dark thoughts again. I grab the back of his head and pull him in for a kiss. For a second he doesn’t respond, then his lips slowly respond, kissing me back. After a few slow strokes, his hands grip my waist, pulling me closer and he deepens the kiss at the same time I moan.

Suddenly, Noah rolls us over, laying me on the plush rug and positioning himself on top of me. Careful not to put pressure on my stomach, he holds himself up and makes love to me on the bedroom floor. The gentleness of his movements solidifies what I already know: he's capable of so much love.

As we lay on the floor, our legs intertwined, Noah traces delicate patterns on my skin. His fingertips send shivers through me, but his body heat against my skin chases the chills away. I’m so content in his arms, yet I can still feel the weight of his thoughts pressing down on him.

I prop myself up, resting my chin on his chest to gaze into his pensive face. He doesn’t look at me but instead continues to stare up at the ceiling fan, lost in a world I can’t reach. “What are you thinking about?” I whisper.

“Just… everything,” he murmurs.

The silence stretches. My stomach twists at the thought that I may not be able to chase away his fears. I feel him pulling away again, the invisible barrier rising back up between us.

“You know I’m here for you, right?” I gently rub circles on his chest right over his pounding heart. He kisses the top of my head before getting up from the floor. He pulls me to my feet and helps me get dressed before dressing himself. Sensing his departure looming, the feeling of rejection comes flooding back.

“It’s late, and you two need to rest. If you need anything else, just reach out, okay?” He gazes at me with a sadness in his eyes, and as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, a tear escapes. My heart clenches. Why does this feel like he’s saying goodbye for good?

“Please stay, Noah. Stay with me tonight,” I plead, my voice filled with vulnerability.

He looks up at the door, his jaw tightening as he battles an internal struggle I can feel. When his eyes find mine again, they’re heavy with sorrow. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have, Emma,” he replies softly, caressing my cheek.

“Nothing will hurt me more than you walking out that door right now.” I know I'm being desperate, but I don't even care. I’m not ready to face the pain his absence will bring.

He freezes. I know I’m not playing fair right now, but I can’t handle the thought of him leaving. If he walks out that door right now, I'm afraid he'll never come back.

“Okay. I’ll stay tonight,” he concedes finally, pulling me into a warm embrace. Relief instantly washes over me as I nestle against his chest. We stand there for a moment, wrapped in each other. I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. I nestle deeper against his chest, inhaling his comforting scent. He's here. At least for now.

Noah’s strong arms encircle me, holding me tightly as if he’s afraid of letting me go again. My mind races with all the things I wish I could say to him, all the reassurances I want to offer.

“Can we just… be here for a moment?” I finally ask, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about the baby or the future or anything else. Just… the two of us right now.”

He nods slowly, a small smile breaking the tension on his face. “I can do that.”

Chapter 22

Emma

I know he’s gone before I even open my eyes. Slowly peeling my eyelids open, I’m met with disappointment. His side of the bed is empty, and that familiar ache returns.

I take my time in the shower, savoring the hot water running down my back. As I massage the shampoo into my scalp, I can't help but replay everything that happened last night. The haunted look in his eyes as he told me about the tragedy of his littler brother, the heavy guilt he still carries around, and the abuse they endured as kids that still haunts him.

The thought of three little boys with matching dark hair and deep, soulful eyes being mistreated and lacking the love they deserve, devastates me. I simply cannot imagine being anything less than loving towards my unborn son.

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