Page 103 of Coming Up Roses

“Where I stand?” I echo, still trying to process that she wants toleave.

“That you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I’m sorry I pushed you too hard that night. I should have left you alone, like you wanted.”

“I’ve never wanted you to leave me alone,” I blurt out. “The opposite. I want you too much.” She blinks at me and I barely register what I’ve said because I’m still stuck on her wanting to leave … not me, butSadie. “You can’t leave Sadie. There’s so much for you here. This place is your home.”

“Sadie has everything she ever needed with her dad.”

“She still needs her mum. Trust me. She needs her mum. And yeah, she has Katie, but why limit her? Why can’t that little girl have all the love in the world? She fucking deserves it, and so do you.” I reach out and swipe my thumb along a stray tear that trickles down her cheek. I hesitate, then play the guilt trip. “Take it from someone who misses his mum every single day, Sadie needs you.”

Abi narrows her eyes at me, the corner of her mouth tugging up. “You really went there?”

I shrug. “If that’s what it takes, then yeah.”

“But, I couldn’t even look after her.” Her voice is a broken whisper.

“Yeah, you could. You did everything right. Ask Dallas. He’ll agree with me. Sure, you had an attack, but you called me. You asked for help when you needed it. It’s okay to have help. This family sticks together, and now you’re a part of it. Being Sadie’s mum gives you automatic entry.”

I watch as Abi slowly lowers her defences, her posture relaxing, the pillow shield drooping, the tension in her expression softening.

“Please, don’t go,” I whisper. “For Sadie’s sake.”

For mine too, I want to add.

But I don’t, because after today, I’m letting go of everything I feel for her.

Or at least I’m going to shove it right to the back of my mind and bury it so it never sees the light of day again.

50

ABI

Flynn’s staring at me,pleading eyes fixed on mine.

“Okay,” I breathe and his expression immediately melts into relief. “I’ll at least talk to Dallas and see what he wants to do. He needs to know about the panic attack.”

I can’t actually remember if I told him that last night when I called him.

The whole night is a blur. The entirety of yesterday is a blur. It feels like it happened years ago, not just twenty-four hours.

“If he’s going to be a dick about it, he’s not the man I thought he was,” Flynn mutters and I can’t help the smile that tugs at my mouth at his protectiveness.

I sigh, because what Flynn said right then lets me know exactly how Dallas is going to react. With concern for me, then he’ll do everything in his power to work through it so I can stay a part of Sadie’s life. Because that’s the kind of man he is.

So, my declaration that I needed to leave might have been premature and a little dramatic.

Stupid, fucking anxiety brain. I should stop listening to it and start listening to Flynn, because he always steers me right. He balances me, taking away the anxiety, bringing me fun and a soothing sense of calm whenever we’re touching.

I toss the pillow aside. I was hugging it because it’s supposed to be Sadie’s, but I’d forgotten Flynn spent the night resting his head on it, so all I could smell was him. Why smell a pillow when the real thing is right here beside me?

I wriggle closer, sliding my legs back over his and leaning into his shoulder. I’m not in his lap like I was earlier when I cried all over him, but I’m almost there.

“You want me too much?” I whisper, terrified of where this might be going, but chasing it anyway.

I’m feeling reckless and too emotionally drained to care.

Flynn groans and tips his head back so it thunks against the wall. “Hush.”

“You think I’m going to let that go?” I ask. I snuggle closer and his arms come around me, pulling me up into his lap so I can bury my face in his neck.

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